I kinda agree with Nyororin in that just because you're a foreigner over here as well it doesn't mean we're going to end up bestest of buddies. Sure having that link does give you something to have a chat about. I'm always interested to hear their story of why they're here.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying anyone has an obligation to anyone... but making a choice one way or another makes you just as bad. No one should expect you to, but you shouldn't go out of your way to avoid people either.

I am sure a lot of you who take the anti-gaijin stance would not turn your nose up at some gorgeous 24 year old Japanese girl that just wanted to talk to you because YOU were different. But the logic in reverse does not apply? Right, ok.

Actually if a gorgeous 24 yo Japanese girl approached me I would probably run like hell the other way! I'm happily married and want to stay that way!! :mtongue:

Haha of course ^^. That is why I said a "lot" and not all. Don't want to lump everyone here into the same group nor get anyone in trouble ;)

I`ll reply as I am pretty sure I was the person who said most strongly that I`m not going to go out of my way to make friends with anyone just because we`re in a country other than our own.

And I don`t see the irony.

I am under absolutely no obligation to make friends with anyone on here. I can ignore and avoid anyone should I feel the urge. There is no direct interaction, and I can pick and choose from the privacy of my home what to reply to (or not). If there is a question I feel I can answer, or if I`m in the mood to say something - I am free to do that at will. But there is no obligation, and no expectation that I am going to get along with or feel the same as someone else.

A real life friendship is an entirely different thing. I can`t stop in the middle of listening to a friend talk and say "Oh, hey, I don`t feel like listening to you. Bye." (Well, I could, but I doubt that the "friend" status would last for long.)

My issue with a lot of the people I encounter in Japan is that they expect to be able to find common ground based on the fact that we`re both in Japan. That, and that alone. To me, that isn`t something that can provide a sufficient foundation for a relationship. And in my experience, those who DO feel that is a sufficient foundation are not the type of people I would associate with. Under any circumstances.

I have yet to go out of my way to avoid anyone. But if someone comes along and wants to be friends because we`re both gaijin and they need somebody to be friends with... I`ll be perfectly amicable and polite, but do not expect to ever hear from me again unless there is some OTHER trait that leads me to believe you would be worth the time and effort of friendship.

I have, do, and will continue to "turn my nose up" at ANYONE whose sole interest in me is my non-Japanese-ness. This is true regardless of their nationality. Nothing irritates me more than being "used" for some personal fulfillment. I will not be a convenient friend because you are in Japan and want some foreign friends... Nor will I be a convenient friend because you think that English is so cool and want to live abroad.
I`ll smile, take your contact info... And forget the whole experience.

Gonative, I'm not married so that gorgeous 24 year old Japanese girl can approach me all she wants. ;)

But the Japanese can "pretend they're American" all they want!

I don't know. I'm guilty of being a bit of a weaboo,if you're an anime/tokusatsu/Jdrama whatever fan you will be! It is not the greatest crime!

Very good point. No come back to that...

Weird, no one said you were under any obligation here or otherwise. And I was not talking about a friendship. I thought we were talking about strangers in general?

Sure, I get your issue. You have made that quite clear. All I am saying is, it is a weird stance, given that you are basically alienating people right off the bat with no other information about them. All relationships start somewhere.

Quite frankly, we are all being used by someone and using people in return. Just depends on what it is for.

Why so gruff and stand-offish about it all? Why did you approach your husband/wife/gf/bf/significant other/best friend/regular friend/etc? Was there a common interest? Did you like their specific physical look? Their hair color? Their style? Were they into a specific musical act you liked? Did you guys work at the same place? There is a basic commonality that takes place at the start of ALL relationships. But a lot of times they can turn into something more meaningful as well.

There is nothing ironic at all. Most of us post ONLY in response to a specific comment or idea. We do not strike up extensive conversations with someone just because we are both from similar geographic areas. Beyond a courteous greeting, there has to be something more than proximity to connect with a person intellectually or emotionally.

There have been plenty examples of the attractive Asian I have met and had no further dealings with because there were no shared interests. If introduced or spoken to, people should be polite and acknowledge the greeting, but there is no obligation to continue further.

That's one of the benifits of the internet in my view. You can be yourself, no one really knows what you look like or what your cultural/racial background is. Therefore you loose some of the "preconcieved notions" people would have with all that added on and simply react to how you present yourself via printed word.

Now yes, people can lie..and some are A-holes. Yet I have found that those who tend to be asshats on the internet, are asshats in rl too. The annonamous nature of the Internet, just allows those who are jerks to be more aggressive in thier jerkwadiness.

The OP was talking about strangers - I was not. I was talking specifically about not starting friendships with random strangers who approach me just because I`m not Japanese.

I`m not alienating anyone. I do the exact same thing for anyone who I come into contact with. This is the point I am trying to make. I don`t make exceptions because the person is not Japanese - that doesn`t matter. I don`t make friends with people because they`re Japanese, nor do I make friends with them because they`re not Japanese. It`s a petty reason to start a friendship, and is little other than annoying when used as the sole reason to approach me.

Because you seem to think that I am doing something other than what I actually do. You also do not seem to know much about the reality of foreigners approaching you in Japan. :rolleyes:
Other foreigners will walk up and say things like "Hey! Where are you from? I`ve been here for 2 months and this country totally sucks! Don`t you think so too? I mean look at those salary men, they make me sick. I don`t see how anyone can stand to be here for anything over a year. I haven`t seen you at the gaijin gatherings we have - you must be new in town!" etc etc
...
I have yet to experience someone just approaching and saying hi - they`re either looking for someone to vent with, or they want to give me religious documentation in English.

I simply do not have anything in common with these people. Well, other than not being born in Japan. Do you go out of your way to make friends with everyone from your home town? Your home country? Any country that speaks the same language as you? I strongly doubt it. If there is nothing in common other than that, what is the foundation for a relationship?

I tried very hard but cannot come up with any friendships or relationships in my life that started based on some small petty thing. There had to be something more significant to continue the relationship beyond the first passing of words.

Which I have never debated, really. I have no issues with someone talking to me - that would be silly. I have never said that I turn away and refuse to speak to someone if they talk to me randomly. However, if there is nothing in common other than the fact that we aren`t Japanese - that is NOT something significant enough to base the start of a relationship on. And in my experience, those who DO push that as a good enough reason to be sudden buddies are the type of people that I simply have nothing in common with at all. Usually in the first few minutes of smalltalk, I can tell whether there is any chance we have something in common. As I don`t fit the mold of most of the non-Japanese in Japan, we usually do not.

I treat both Japanese and non-Japanese who approach me in exactly the same way. If there is nothing in common, then there is no reason to do anything other than be polite, smile, and be on my way. If they approach me based solely on the fact that I am not Japanese, chances are we do not have much else in common. I prefer to have friends who do not place such a heavy emphasis on that sort of thing. If you are approaching me because of that, you`re putting a high value on it = low chance of friendship.

To each his own, I suppose - but just because I`m not Japanese there is no obligation for me to befriend you.