I don't agree, I don't consider it an argument, people uses research, experience, historical data and facts to backup their opinion, this make it a debate, and that's what a forum is for.

It's not an attack, if our posts are consider an attack, then you also did your share of attacking..

Like the case with another female member on the forum previously (bl**jeansla*y), we are just asking that if you want everyone to agree with you, give us facts and figures to quantify your theory

Other members spotted conflicting post from you and voice it out, that's all that I read, I don't know where the attack came from.....

Well put, so let's have this part of the bickering end here. I am seeing too many threads reduced to senseless and off topics back-and-forths, and I am seeing the same names come up again and again. I would rather temp-ban obnoxious posters than close otherwise interesting threads, and I will if these interactions keep up.

This is pretty normal. A home is not a social gathering place in Japan for adults for the most part. If you want to meet a friend you schedule a time and a place (usually outside at a cafe or restaurant or wherever) and that's where you socialize.

Just as you wouldn't want someone to enter your home without knocking, a Japanese person would not want you visiting her home without invitation.

It can't be normal to absolutely loathe the person because of that incident.

what do you mean by that and where is your avy?:confused:

the point is that usually we were always in touch-- she was not at school and I was extremely worried about her-- thought she must be ill.

We have done a great deal for her and friends surely should be welcome at any time. This lady always kept her phone switched off so that nobody could ever contact her. she likes to control US but not keen when its the other way round. The lady she lodges with is a Philipino and asked us in -- almost insisted when I asked after my friend. My friend did not inform her own family when she broke her arm. We helped her out a great deal during that time- she practically was here every day. We have helped her when she has worried about her Visa etc. If one can't contact someone by phone and is very worried is it so wrong to go and find out?

We have always had an open door for her at any time.

I see two different things going on here:

1) It sounds like she has had a certain level of break from reality. If she stopped leaving the house, stopped going to school, stopped answering the phone, stopped contacting her family, etc. I have seen this happen with an American and a Englishman living in Japan, and it sounds like very similar situations. It may be some form of culture shock/homesickness. She deserves some compassion, and probably should get some professional help.

2) You are applying your cultural values onto a person with a very different set of cultural values. You said "If one can't contact someone by phone and is very worried is it so wrong to go and find out?" And the answer in Japan is "YES! It is none of your business! Leave me alone!" The fact that you and your friends are not reading the clear signals she is sending you is only making her more frustrated, and (probably) making her more crazy.

I was good friends with my downstairs neighbor, another single man living in a one room apartment. In the three years we were neighbors I can count the times I entered his apartment on one hand, and I count the times he entered mine on one finger. When we wanted to hang out I would call and see if he was free. I would even call to return a CD or video game I borrowed, even though I could be at his front door before the call went through. That's considered manners in Japan. Privacy is at a premium, so the privacy of one's personal space is respected and not invaded (unless it's your sibling, of course).

This comimg from the guy who has never been to Japan and who claims Japan is vastly superior to every other nation! LOL Truly laughable.

Bobby people who actually have lived in Japan for sometime are entitled to express their opinions on living there based on their experiences. People who make ridiculous claims about how good Japan is when they have never been there are not so entitled. Do you understand the difference?

I think you don't and never will....

honestly I'm getting a little tired of explaining that the sky is blue to someone who is flat out ignoring me and a dozen other people,
Bobby is persistently disturbing threads and aggravating members of this forum who typically don't get upset so easily.

Perfect comparison, I'd even go so far as to extend it by saying that in western culture, those very few people for which it is okay to walk into their house unnanounced, without knocking, are the same people who in Japan it's okay to show up without calling, but definitely knocking first. Like close family.
Does that make sense? lol


I think if I walked into a friends house in Japan without knocking. Loathing is close to a good description lol. A very strong dislike.
I might get excused on the basis of cultural differences, once.
Showing up without calling, not loathe, that's too far even in Japan.

Honestly a visitor to Japan would have to be SUPER KY to visit anyone unannounced, the cultural differences slap you in the face immediately.

Regarding Dogsbody's friend's situation, it's entirely different because she's not in Japan. She could be getting homesick, or just sick, a friend of hers could have died in Tohoku and she's overwhelmed by it, or she simply may not feel that a few weeks without contact is a big deal, it certainly isn't in Japan! Any number of possibilities.

I definitely agree about the "having people stop by" thing. At the VERY least, call at least an hour before if you`re going to just come to the door, and a day ahead if you expect to be let in.
Houses are private. Ultra-super private. I can count the number of times someone who doesn`t live here has come into my house on my fingers.

People tend to judge people on their homes, and expect to be judged on theirs. So it is very important to be ready for someone to visit. Someone suddenly stopping by and coming in is pretty awful as it gives you no chance to get ready. As most people do not keep their homes in an always-ready state, it is extremely rude to just show up out of the blue.

So... Meeting outside is much much easier. If someone does just show up at my door, they don`t expect to be let in, so I end up going out and talking to them outside the front door. It`s just how things are. Home is a private nest.

It's surprising how much that changes the dynamic of friendships.

Having to meet at a cafe or restaurant or some other place that invariable costs money or requires for you to be dressed in a way more presentable than you would in your own home, means that your friends see you that way nearly all the time, and not in your comfortable at-home way.

Hanging out has to be planned. With that small added formality, there's a limitation placed on how much you can open up, how quickly, how comfortably, and how often.

I can honestly say that in general the number and quality of friendships the average North American has are far more and far stronger than those of the average Japanese person.

@Nyororin,
Why do you think the home is such an ultra-private place for Japanese people compared to that of other cultures?
It seems to me like the homes of old in Japan were not so much like this as they are today, I'm saying this based on historical tv-shows I see in Japanese TV by the way. :)