I would like to hear the answers to these questions.

ah, sorry, okay, yes yes :)

i have never been in japan before, but know over 50 or 60 people and know a lot about the country. and i go to japan next year already

we spent together around 1 month in vienna, and we call us everyday with our phone and see us on skype too. and she comes again in november, this year.

we will live in sapporo, in her apartment, her parents gave us.

i will work at a restaurant as a cook and later on, try to be the manager of a shop, her parents do for her and me. and for me, i have over...well, i dont want to mention here, but lets say far more than 10 000 euros for our start

she works at a hotel already, and later on with me together in the shop :)
and she has her parents support and also quite a lot of money for our start and wedding.

people are arguing whether you should be telling this kid your opinion...and its surprising how it hasnt been resolved yet

I appreciate your openness and honesty.

So you have committed to spending the rest of your life in a country you have never visited? I moved to Hyogo-ken at the same time as 100 people who had never lived in Japan before (all from English speaking countries). Two of the most out-going, energetic, open and enthusiastic people in that group basically snapped after a few months. One man from England was convinced the school had him under surveillance and had put chips in his watch and neck and another woman from California thought the reason her electricity went out was because the school she worked for wanted her to quit. It turned out she just blew a fuse, but she went for two weeks without electricity (or going to work) before her mother was called to fly to Japan and take her home. The last two people you would think that would "lose it".

Thankfully they only broke the contract they had with their schools.

Only a month? In my opinion you should spend face-to-face time with someone for at least two years before you can know them well enough to make a commitment like marriage.

Do you know what restaurant you will work at? What will you cook? I don't mean to be insulting when I say, outside of a fast food restaurant, most people don't want to pay for food cooked by a teenager, unless you have some special talent, of course. 10,000 euros? There's a car or year one covered.

It seems curious to me why parents would commit to so much for a boy they have never even met before for their daughter, but even if everything you have said is true, why have you set a date when you have never seen the foreign country you are planning on spending the rest of your life in? What is the hurry? What's wrong with checking it out making sure you can actually function there before committing to it for the rest of your life?

Resolution is not a common conclusion on JF.

so ive noticed:vsign:

Perhaps we should let it go, MMM.

I agree with you that this is a train wreck waiting to happen. None of the pieces seem to be in place and it's only a matter of time before something gives.

However, love is definitely blind and when you throw in the raging hormones of a teenager along with their feeling of invincibility, I'm sure that any logical suggestion we give him will bounce off like water off a duck's back.

He'll probably learn the hard way and who knows? In ten years, he may even return to this forum to dissuade the next teen who decides to follow in his footsteps. Of course his pleas will go unaffected but such is life... Some of us have to learn the hard way.

If Sephiroth was my son, I'd rip him a new hole but luckily for him, he isn't... even though he's young enough to be. :)

This is exactly what I'm talking about. You speaking as if somehow you know this will not work?

I know personal experiences could not matter any less, but my Grandmother got married when she was 17 to my grandfather who was 19. They're still married to this day, have 3 kids and own a 2 story house.

My mom got married when she was 20, and she got divorced 4 years later, but got me out of the marriage. (I know, some souvenir, right?) My point is that it might work, it might not work.

Just because you THINK it won't, or "statistics show," doesn't mean it will not work.

It's like you guys are trying to tell him that really he doesn't really love her, just because he's "young"

And I am guessing she got married at a time when lots of people got married at 17...when at 17 you actually were a woman, and 19 you actually were a man.

So you are saying it is smarter to risk your life on a gamble than to give it time, let it grow and, what was the other thing? Oh yeah....visit your new homeland before you move there.

I hope you are not including me in "you guys" because I never said anything like that. And no one said anything about love. What young people forget sometimes is that marriage is more than love. It's a life-long commitment that needs to be made by people that understand what that means.

I could go on about youth and committing to something, but you made my point best:

Putting their ages aside, did your grandfather move to a foreign country with a completely different culture, language, etc. to marry your grandmother?

As for your last statement, that's a funny accusation considering the fact that love is what's making him take this huge leap of faith.

i strongly agree with you on this

haha, MMM.

I kick myself everytime I even click on this thread, because I know I will get into some sort of debate. I will try and fight the temptation...

But, yes, there are multiple aspects of what you've said that I agree with, especially the things about visiting the country first, and possibly spending a little bit more time face-to-face with his finacee.

I guess my disagree is more with the other people, and not so much you. Escpecially the ones who are saying "it probably won't work, you're making a mistake, your an idiot and I'm smart and you're wrong and I'm not"

I'll take those hints, and will depart now.


>.<

No one asked you to stop posting, Alan...you set yourself up by saying "This is my last post on this thread"...twice.

one point here that I didn't see before, though MMM asked about her parents.

Were her parents with her when she was in Vienna so you could meet them?

You are giong to have you life completely controlled by her father for an indefinite period of time, if he is funding your wedding, household and your employment for the foreseeable future.

You better like him even more than your prospective bride, because you don't seem to realize that he is going to be more prominent in every moment of your life that you probably imagine. Your wife is very likely to come second in order of prioirties - both for you and your Father-in-law-to-be.

Ths would be true regardless of the culture, but in Japan it will be even more blatant and expected. You will have no recourse at all if you think he is unfair or treats you poorly, except to abandon everything ...... inlcuding the woman who will always be his daughter first and your wife second.


For some people this is fine, and it may be well worth it over time, but consider it very carefully because it goes against all modern male western culture.

Badumtish.

Interesting and valid viewpoint if they follow the traditional Japanese system of family dynamics.

The OP mentioned that her parents liked him so I guess the question to ask would be this; Is she the only child? If not, does she have an older brother or sister?

For some reason I just don`t see this happening at all.
It doesn`t seem realistic, or even taking place in reality.

For one - I find it literally impossible to believe that Japanese parents would be thrilled to jump into having their daughter marry someone that young - let alone someone from overseas. I have to wonder - how much direct contact has the original poster had with these parents? Second hand info from the girl is hardly good enough.
The approval of these parents is honestly what I find the hardest to swallow. Parents in Japan simply do not jump to marry off their daughters at that age. If they truly are, then I have to really wonder about the real reasoning behind it. "Because they love each other!" doesn`t seem very likely.

If there is all this financial backing - why not go to a Japanese school and live with her during that time to test the waters? If you are so committed as to jump into marriage at this point, surely waiting a bit won`t hurt anything. I`m not one to knock young marriages, having married quite young myself, but... There is so much more to this than just marriage alone. I mean, look around at the issues people experience just being in Japan for a year with the end in sight. In a proper marriage, there is no end. The relationship may be the strongest in the world, but that isn`t going to help if you hit severe culture shock.

wow :eek:

well, dont take my situation so hard, rather tell me your experiences >u< hah

and thanks alanX, thanks you defend me, and it sounds interesting about your whole family actually. can you tell me how it was for them always to marry early? :) just tell me about their experience, if you can and if it is okay for you.

i know it is early, i myself never wanted to marry so son first, but then i also looked at my parents, and that i was born too late, when my parents were around 35 or such, i was born, thats too late in my opinion, and they married with 32 or so. i dont want to do so again, and for her parents, they were with her this one month, and also saw me, and this year her mother comes with her again. :)

This doesn't justify your marrying early. If she got pregnant while you guys dated, that would have been a different case.

Basically, it will not be easy for you especially as a foreigner and at your age, school should be on your mind and hers. Since you are bent on it, then cogitate on those questions MMM asked your at the beginning of this thread, those were very valid questions.....If you side line them then you're either relying on something like your parents being rich to get you through or you are simply silly.

hmmm
man to man i can tell you straight up that no 17 year old on the planet is ready for marriage.
i remember being 17 and thinking i know it all
that was only 4 years ago and looking back realize that i didnt know a damn thing, and i still dont, im still learning. i agree with MMM
slow down, be SURE
because ppl change QUICK, ppl dont start showing those true colors until later on trust me. no one is saying not to marry her, she might be the one for you
BUT you should be taking it slower than that.

^^^^
Agree

Cant sleep? or Is it like 3am over there?

haha its 3 a.m.
i was chilling with a female a while ago and just got in, cant sleep
bout to watch a movie called GO with kubozuka yosuke

Did you see the part where AlanX agreed with me that you need to get to know her better, and at least visit Japan before you commit to spending the rest of your life there?
Do you understand the difference between 17 and 32? Of course not, because you are 17. Are you really rushing into marriage to have children young? What does your fiance feel about this?

There's nothing wrong with that. The average age of first marriage in Austria is 30.3 for men which is almost identical to Japan.

Heck, I'm closing in on 40 and I'm still single! I may not be around to see my grandchildren (when I marry) but I have absolutely no regrets. I've studied hard, worked hard and played hard and did so many things I couldn't imagine doing if I was tied down with a family.

I get the feeling that whatever we suggest to hellkite.... it's not going to make a difference.

My advice to Hellkite... MMM is right... but I bet that's not going to stop you... so just be prepared to learn from your experience if it fails completely (which it sounds like it will).

Young marriage can work out too guys, my parents wed when they were 19, and have been married 26 years, they had only been going out for a month before aswell. They have four kids, and still in love..

It's crazy, but I guess when you're with the right person you'll know.
Doubt i'll have that luck.

i'll avoid making any comments concerning your age and the fairly short period of time spent together and move straight on to your first obstacle to life in japan; visa.

the more of a stable situation your can show the immigration officer the easier it is to get a visa. here age, time spent together, financial situation etc. come in to play. now, i am not an immigration officer nor an immigration solicitor, but i would still stick out my neck and say that you could experience some problems when applying for a visa due to the above mentioned issues.

furthermore, if i am correct you will also be required to have the consent of both your mother and your father as you seem to be below 20 at the time of the planned marriage. in japan you, as a man, need to be 18 to be able to marry.

ROFLMFAO!!!

This is the most provocative original post I have seen without deletion...

Read the OP and it states that he has booked a church!!! Hmmmm!

So the young Japanese girl and her bhuddist family are happy to let her marry a gaijin in a church (does not state where) I assume Japan as he states July, and all will live happy ever after in Japan. With the parents giving consent to an unemployed and uneducated (by JP standards) gaijin.

This OP is delusional and is posting a dream. If it is fact then they should be taking notes with respect to publishing a book at a later date.

All arguments after the OP are based on some arseholes fantasy and are thus argumants based on a fictional event. Get real and don't post on MMM's reply without looking at the OP in detail.