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I need an opinion -
10-01-2008, 10:40 AM
Okay, I'm a bit nervous because this is the first thread I've posted, but I've been doing a lot of writing lately and after an email I got one day I decided to write this. A good critique would be nice, even though this is basically just a drabble, fragment, or whatever you want to call it.
What He Lost Eric fell to his knees when he heard the news. The closest person to him was dying. He couldn't believe it at first; It had been so long since the two had last spoken. As Eric silently cried into his hands and he knelt on his cold bedroom floor, he couldn't help but remember what used to be. He remembered nights they would talk and he would whisper sweet nothings to his significant other, feeling their warm back pressed against his chest as they sat together. It seemed so cliche at the time, but he knew he had fallen madly and deeply in love. Eric also remembered how he couldn't stop thinking about that special person as he carried out his life, even after what had happened. Eric cursed himself for what he had done. It was just so hard to go on now since he had cut ties. He could barely remember why he had done such a foolish thing to begin with. Maybe he was afraid of giving himself up so entirely to that one person that had captured his heart, maybe the whole feeling of cliche sentimentality drove him to make the desicion. But regardless of the reason, he regretted it every day of his life. There were times Eric couldn't do so much as leave the house, least he be seen crying in public. And now, the one person he ever loved so completely, was going to die. Eric tried to fight back the torrent of tears the streamed down his face, but his attempts were futile. He was sure it was his fault for this, and now he couldn't stand to live any more. In Eric's own mind, he didn't deserve to live after the blasphemy he had committed. And dear reader, you may ask how Eric could live with himself with such a burden he would carry for the rest of his life. You may wonder how he could sleep at night with the crushing guilt he felt. You may even ask how he kept himself from ending it all... He couldn't. ------ Yeah, pretty cheesy, sappy, sentimental and not to mention crappy, but feedback is still appreciated. 
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10-01-2008, 10:52 AM
Quote:
*ehm ehm*(clearing throat kinda sound) but anyway, i liked it and thought it was very good. 
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10-01-2008, 11:21 AM
i like to read it I want to know how it´s going on
 ^^When they are shot through the heart by the bullet of a pistol? No. When they are ravaged by an incurable disease? No. When they drink a soup made from a poisonous mushroom? No! It's when... they are forgotten. ~Dr. Hiluluk - One Piece
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10-01-2008, 08:48 PM
Thanks for the feedback guys ^^ Well, the story behind this little drablle goes something like this; There's a guy I know named Eric, who had fallen for this person who's name I shall with hold, and a couple days ago Eric found out that person was put in the hospital. But, fortunatly, Eric emailed me this morning after I posted this and said his significant other was going to be fine. Hah, talk about irony
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Caution; Nerd at Work
