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OzukakiBurasuki (Offline)
JF Regular
 
Posts: 66
Join Date: Jun 2009
12-22-2009, 12:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro View Post
Hi, Ryzorian.

Yes, you are right. Maybe the story will not be continued.
The author’s husband is a publisher, so I thought he would find someone to take over the work. However, he himself has gotten a cancer, and he doesn’t seem to like letting someone do it, or he doesn’t have energy to arrange to commission.
If he were fine, he could work with some authors and continue the story.
It’s really too bad.
So far, it seems your english definitely has improved since the last time I've seen it. It's now barely noticeable that english isn't your native language.

There are only a few things you should probably change.

However, he himself has gotten a cancer, and he doesn’t seem to like letting someone do it, or he doesn’t have energy to arrange to commission.

"he himself has gotten a cancer"

Watch it with forms of "to get" because that verb is really flexible. This wouldn't be a good place to use it. It would be better if this clause was "However, he himself has cancer,"

"seem like letting someone do it"

Just add "else" after "someone" because it flows better. Just having "seem like letting someone do it" doesn't really sound specific, so adding "else" will make sure to whoever you are talking to that he meant another person entirely.

"doesn't have energy"

Adding "enough" before "energy" helps the flow of the clause in this case like "else" in the one before. If you say "he doesn't have energy", then you are just telling us that he can't even get out of bad. Saying "he doesn't have enough energy" tells us that he just isn't able to perform the task.

If he were fine, he could work with some authors and continue the story.
It’s really too bad.

"he were"

You used the plural form of the past form of "to be", so it would be better to use the singular form "was" instead.

"he could work"

You are telling us what happens when he is able to work, so it should be "he would work" instead of "he could work." By the looks of it, you aren't telling us of his capability, but the fact that he is able to perform a task.

Lastly, don't be afraid to use all of those contractions!
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