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Quote:

Originally Posted by Keaton421 (Post 645228)

If she says no, it's not the end! You gotta have the winning attitude if you're going to get this fine lady. Be ready to go the distance. Settle for nothing less than lovers until she tramples you in the dirt (or gets her boyfriend to). The fact that you're willing to just be with her means you obviously care about her.

If you've seen this movie, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, go rent Big Fish NOW. I mean it, right now. As a southern military man, damn does that scene strike a cord with me.

You're not asking her on a date - you may have some motives, but that's your story, so stick to it. So when the gossip fairy comes around, you can say "what's the matter with a few drinks with a coworker?" Maybe in time you can show her these little "dates" are more than office stuff.

Animals compete for mates. I know my girl wouldn't go with anyone else. If a guy made a move for her, I wouldn't be offended; really, I couldn't blame the guy - but he'd be pulling back a stump in place of his hand. Be prepared for a guy like me ;) But a few punches are the least of your worries, trust me

ahehe. so you WOULD punch me, had u been the girls bf. well that is the normal reaction of course. broken bones is more of my concern actually, but at some point i know that but still want to go get her.

i dont know if shes happy with him or not. i dont know how to find that out.
i have yet to break this barrier between her and me it seems, but we do fine in the office. but thats just about it.

i want to take it to a higher level, even if it would mean i am making a move on her.
i guess im here askng for advice on how to do that, rather than asking if i should go for it or not.

or maybe im here cause i want someone to put some senses in my brain and tell me to stop..

also, does my age have a factor on this..? i mean, she is 4 years older..
and im a foreigner too.
theres so many factors to consider.

and i dont know what my point is now.

by the way thanks for the advice on the movie. ill go ahead and search for it when i get back home. :p

I think if she accepts a night on the town, that's a good first step. If y'all enjoy it, ask her out again. Make it clear this isn't just a work relationship, if you can. Get yourselves good and drunk and pry a bit on the boyfriend deal. If she starts flirting with you before that, even better.

Does she know that you know that she has a boyfriend? If not, act like you didn't know, and tell her it's just a few drinks or dinner. The point is to get closer and bring your relationship out of the office which is a sad, stagnant place.

Older women? No big deal. If you were 20 and she was 40, she might be craving a young buck, but that's another story...

Foreigner? Shouldn't be a problem - Japanese people get tired of the same East Asian faces day in and day out. Do y'all speak the same language?

My advice is, just do it. Ask her out. You won't know what happens until you try. And you definitely don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if..."

Quote:

Originally Posted by superheel (Post 645235)

Well yes, for me, that kind of situation really proves how much you love the girl. You hanging out for a moment is a good thing, you should ask her number and make her think that your intention is only to be friends with her. Or maybe make her boyfriend notice you, so he'll confront you and maybe punch you, if he punch you don't punch back. Just do the "We're just friends" thing. the girl will feel bad and talk to you more. You know what I mean? Don't be afraid that people will notice you, just make a move and steal her from that guy.

hehe..
cant say im thrilled with ur advice, but thats what i would do if ever ill be punched.. i guess.

i already have her number and cell mail, mate. i text her sometimes. when i make it a point that when i mail her, there has to be a topic or a reason, a question or smething. and if thats the case she will reply until case is closed. but last weekend i texted her and simply asks what she does during weekend, and i received no reply.

but i cant conclude anything just from that. i know shes not the type who likes texting.

guess im grateful still, that even when i feel im playing the part of the villain on this one, there are people trying to back me up and askng me to go for it. thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly (Post 645240)

but last weekend i texted her and simply asks what she does during weekend, and i received no reply.

...ouch. Reee-jected!

Quote:

...there are people trying to back me up and askng me to go for it. thanks.

Nobody's eager to be the first in front of the enemy's cannons...

Side note: Be a gentleman. Offer her your coat if it's chilly. Open doors for her. Let her order first, and stand up when she leaves the table. Walk her home.

My girlfriend said many Japanese men are taught the Samurai way of being with a woman: love her, but don't show it too much. If she's interested in you, be a gentleman and she'll melt like butter. It'll be a shock to her system and I can almost guarantee she'll love it.

Koir, sometimes people don't get texts until it's too late to reply. I wouldn't make any assumptions just because of technology. If and when he says something to her face, that's a better time to judge.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keaton421 (Post 645242)

Koir, sometimes people don't get texts until it's too late to reply. I wouldn't make any assumptions just because of technology. If and when he says something to her face, that's a better time to judge.

*nods* Understood. That *was* my first instinctual response, though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koir (Post 645245)

*nods* Understood. That *was* my first instinctual response, though.

Could be, I thought so too but I hope not. One of the many problems of a society dependent on cell phones :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keaton421 (Post 645242)

again thanks mate. its ok, at some point i did thought that maybe that no reply was a sign of a no from her. but its without certainty so i didnt give up this hope i have.
Until i am rejected face to face then maybe ill accept it.

thanks again mate, ur too kind. i am aware of the manners though, heheheh. im just praying that if i took that chance, shed let me do those..

for now all i can do is wait for the perfect moment to ask her out... as ill be leaving for vacation to my home country this saturday and ill be gone for 2 weeks... id like to take her out to dinner with me before saturday if i could. that leaves me 5 days including today to try and ask her the ultimate sinful question.

thanks for the advices and opinion mates..
i think i will be the villain on this and try to take her out with me.

I just worried, being a gentleman is a bit of a lost art. Men got lazy and women got ungrateful.

The ultimate sinful question, haha :D They say the forbidden fruit is that much sweeter.

Good luck when you pop the question

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly (Post 645240)

Let's just say that sometimes it's cool being a villain. Another tip, if you'll ask her out, do it when she looks depressed or sad. Ask her if she's feeling ok, then ask her if she wants to hang out, just for fun.