Long Distance

[Keaton421]

Originally Posted by Miyavifan

I have a question. What if you and the person you're with don't choose to have a long distance relationship, but it happens because one of the people goes off to be in the military?

(anyone's free to answer this)

Good question. I'm in the Army, and it's very likely that within the next 3 years, I'll be deployed to Afghanistan for 1 year - being stationed in Germany or Korea are 2 years long, but you can bring your lover if you're married. So we're a long-distance couple with more distance coming.

The military, and any distance, will make a weak relationship weaker, and a strong one stronger. If the only thing you share together is love, you won't make it 2 months. My girlfriend actually encouraged me to join the military, knowing full well the risks, because it was my dream. People that loyal and devoted are very rare, but with someone like that, anything is possible.

It's tough, knowing our time together is always limited. But when you live like this, you truly understand the meaning of "I'd walk a thousand miles to spend an hour with you".

[Saffron]

Keaton: You make a lot of sense, thank you. Well after the one experience I had, I know if the opportunity came along I would have to seriously think about it. Even though long distance relationships are difficult, I believe the good thing is a online relationship is better because you can get to know the person better. Especially that you can be friends first and get to know each other before you make a commitment. I think if I met the right person then it would work. However because I have been cheated on, the trust issue would make it difficult. Anyway it sounds like you have had a very difficult time with your relationship. The important thing is you haven't given up and it looks like it soon will pay of. I wish you the best of luck

[Keaton421]

I was cheated on and lied to in a big way before. My girlfriend had to suffer for a little while because of my trust issues. But we'd known each other 2 years or so before we started "dating", and she's one of few that I trust. If you meet the right person, you'll be surprised what kind of abuse you can put yourself through.

[Miyavifan]

Originally Posted by Keaton421

Good question. I'm in the Army, and it's very likely that within the next 3 years, I'll be deployed to Afghanistan for 1 year - being stationed in Germany or Korea are 2 years long, but you can bring your lover if you're married. So we're a long-distance couple with more distance coming.

The military, and any distance, will make a weak relationship weaker, and a strong one stronger. If the only thing you share together is love, you won't make it 2 months. My girlfriend actually encouraged me to join the military, knowing full well the risks, because it was my dream. People that loyal and devoted are very rare, but with someone like that, anything is possible.

It's tough, knowing our time together is always limited. But when you live like this, you truly understand the meaning of "I'd walk a thousand miles to spend an hour with you".

Thank you, Keaton.

Wow.

The guy I'm with is contemplating going into the air force, and if he does, he'll be gone 3 years. I'm fairly certain we won't be married at that time, as that would be only about 6 months from now that he'd go.

I'm sorry, my brain isn't functioning very well right now, just a bit tired.
What other things do you think a couple should share, other than love?

I'm kind of like that. He told me he will earn a good but if money, and also get medical benefits, and training. And that when he's done he can open his restaurant. (he likes to cook, and is also very good at it.)

I would miss him terribly, and be sad for him to go. but I'd be very happy for him to earn the amount he would, and afterwards be able to have his own restaurant.

[Keaton421]

Chair force, eh? That's a good deal for y'all. If he's going Air National Guard, he'll only train one weekend a month. If he's Active he'll still have nights and weekends free, so if you live close to his base you'll see each other often. If he becomes an officer he can live off base. Either way, Air Force deployments are always 6 months or less

Couples of any kind need more than love. But in long distance you especially need to share trust, and you can't be the types who like getting wasted, flirting, and "oops I accidentally kissed someone else." You won't be able to sleep at night without trust.

Relatively quickly, you'll need to establish a pretty clear plan for your future. It won't be a situation where you can just date "for fun". Like I said, don't go into it unless you're sure this guy's the one, but if you're planning to wait on him you already know that. You need direction, or your heads will explode in frustration.

You gotta share some method of contacting each other on a regular basis.

There's lots of other things I'm sure, but I can't really explain it so well. It's just a lot more demanding than a regular relationship, but in the end when you own an apartment together and you lay down in that bed on the first night... you'll know it's worth it.

I'm so used to seeing college couples acting so sad when they're separated for a weekend, or military couples b*tching and moaning when they're away for a month of two. You'll go through hardships but when you can laugh at these people, you'll realize the depth of your relationship.

You'll go through a lot, and it's not easy. But it's totally worth it.

[Saffron]

Keaton: It is really good you found a understanding girl. I have never come across any guy that is understanding at all. It's like they haven't had any sense or maybe it is just me who is a deep thinker. They don't think what is the reason why this girl isn't opening up to me. They haven't cared if I was sad or ill. Another problem is they never sent me a picture so it is difficult when I don't know who they are. It's not that I care what they look like, it's a trust thing. There is also that when I have first got in contact with a guy, they seem so nice but then suddenly change. I'm thinking what did I do. I don't know maybe because I am reserved and a girl might come along who isn't. I can't really rely on them because it has happened before either they have cooled off or they stop contact with me. How long do you think is a suitable time of knowing someone before you have a relationship? Well the one online relationship I had I only knew him for a week before, yes I know that is really quick. It kind of just haappened. It was not long before I realized he was playing me for a fool. The longest I have ever known a guy over the internet was 4 months. That was just because we were just friends. I don't know why I just attract the wrong guys. I think one of the reasons your relationship is good is because you knew her for a long time first. That makes all the difference. Though you also have a mature relationship. The guys I have known, seriously I don't think they had enough maturity to have a relationship. Even the older guys who were actually worse than the younger guys. Anyway Keaton thank you for listening, haha you know what I mean. your advice is really helping me.

[Keaton421]

Glad I can help y'all. This is one subject I'm an expert in

Let's see, I'll try to address everything in order.

You'll find a lot of selfish guys, and selfish isn't something you can be long-distance. You're going to be suffering a long time for someone. You've seriously got to be mature beyond your years, and if you aren't, you have to force yourself to be. One thing that won't change easy is a guy who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

A reserved girl can be frustrating. My girl can be pretty reserved and for a long time, it was difficult for her to open up to me, which I'll explain.

She was the one person in my life I've felt a connection with from the first moment. Almost instantly, I knew she was the kind of person I'd take a bullet for. She was going through a very tough time, and for reasons I couldn't understand, I cared about her. The scars still show from time to time, but that's alright. There's nothing I'd rather do than take care of her. We were together through a lot of things, about two and a half years worth, which solidified our friendship - and friendship is the backbone of any successful relationship.

While I think a week is too soon to make any decision like this, there's really no set timeframe - you'll both know when you're ready.

[Saffron]

Thank you keaton! In the past there has been a few guys that at the start I thought I had a connection with but they just turned out to be selfish. I don't know if race has anything to do with it but they were not westerners. So they were reserved too but alot more than I am. So I can understand what you mean by frustrating. It looks like your girl is very much like you, which is an important factor. I understand that if a guy only loves himself, he is not capable of loving anyone else. I know the only way a long distance relationship would work out for me is I have a very good friendship with the guy. I need to feel secure which because of my childhood I am a very insucure girl. I think apart from other things if I felt secure with a guy then I seriously would consider having a relationship with that guy. However for that to happen it takes time. Problem is I feel like I don't have enough strength left to keep starting again. Seriously I do feel like giving up. Mostly I have only known a guy for a month or so before I realize he is a idiot haha. It really wears me out. Some guys haven't lasted past two emails. If I am fooled, they don't usually fool me for very long. For that reason I think I really need to know someone for a long time or at least six months. Though as you said when I am ready and they are to. Online dating is really a pain in the you know what.

[Keaton421]

Heh, it sure can be. Are you actively seeking out partners on the internet for a reason? Cause mine just kind of happened that way. I wouldn't put myself in this situation voluntarily She is very much like me, with plenty of differences, and the cultural differences only give us more to teach each other and laugh about.

[Saffron]

Keaton: Well it is impossible for me to find anyone where I live. Though don't get me wrong, I'm not actually looking for someone, I am just hoping. Bascially my top priorty is to find friends first. It is quite difficult for me because I don't have relatives so I am a loner but not by choice. Its kind of do I or dont I want someone. Really I started this thread because I wanted to know other peoples opinion and to get it straight in my head just in case, I did meet someone. One thing a lot of people have said about me is I am naive, which is true. So I needed advice in a way to protect myself against any more disapointments. I really appreciate your advice because it will save me a lot of heartache in the future