OK, I'm done.

Difference is always good on all sides..

You couldn't be more wrong. And big deal. I made a typo. :cool:

OK I'm done now.

Like I said, difference is always GOOD or at least a change..

Inter racial attraction... Living in a multi cultural country, how could one help it.

I have a Greek Friend who just married a Chinese Girl!

On the other hand, go to a Chinese restaurnat, and the place s often filled with Jewish people.

Go to a Jewish restaurnat and you won't see a Chinese in sight!

Smae applies to other's in the cuisine category..

So back on topic. Personally I wont rule out that people like people because the image they see brings up stereotypes about this person (good or bad). Some guys may like Asians because they think they are nicer or less dominant. This happens and I wont deny that. But I find it hard to believe that you can think someone is good looking without creating a stereotype. Sometimes you cant quite figure out why you think someone is good looking. They just are to you.

Uuuuugh. You're not making any seeeeeense. If it's an honorary title, then why does it exist? Why were you previously going on about how it's a traditional role to have men have this "honorary title" and still have more power? Why - IN THIS SAME POST - are you saying that someone needs to have the last word, and then say you believe in 50-50 relationships?

Hawaii is different, yes. Texas is also different. So is New York, and California. The US of A is a mix of cultures. To say that my culture makes me different from you, and you apparent ideal USA culture, is a little... well, ignorant.

... You're a counselor. So? I seriously can't make the connection. Is there a requirement of counselors to read modern-day discourses on sexuality?

EDIT: Actually, let me go into a little more detail about different cultures.

Being from the USVI makes me different from you. That's definitely true. However, you've suggested that my culture makes me so different from you that I can't imagine what it's like to be an American. I'm an American citizen. My experiences as a West Indian is American. You have, in effect, said that my culture either DOES NOT COUNT as an American experience or that there is an ideal American culture - what it is, I don't know - that I somehow DO NOT FIT. I'll say it again: that's ignorant. Very, very ignorant.

I've had enough of being a second-class citizen of the USA. I definitely don't need to experience BS ignorance on my culture and my heritage on some Internet forum too.

Sorry, I didn't see this again. I don't know how I keep missing your posts. :/

But no, not really. THIS is really what I meant: Frye, Marilyn (1941–) | Encyclopedia of Philosophy Summary

This is specifically what I was talking about:(from the above article)

Frye's book The Politics of Reality (1983) begins with one of her most important and most often reprinted essays: "Oppression." In this essay she seeks to clarify the term "oppression" and how women can be said to be oppressed. Oppression, on her analysis, is a network of (often microscopic) forces that bind and confine certain social groups within a defined place so as to benefit a privileged social group. She analogizes oppression to a birdcage, which is macroscopic and visible, even though each of the wires of the cage is itself small and seemingly inconsequential in itself. Frye describes two characteristic features of women's oppression. First, women hold positions that simultaneously make them responsible yet powerless to effect decisions to carry out their responsibilities successfully. Second, women internalize and self-police their limitations and restrictions. While men also face social restrictions (e.g., they cannot cry in front of other men), their restrictions are a part of a system that oppresses women and privileges men. In her essay "Sexism," Frye defines "sexism" as an institutional term characterizing social structures that "create and enforce the elaborate and rigid patterns of sex-marking and sex-announcing which divide the species, along the line of sex, into dominators and subordinates" (1983, p. 38). She uses the term "male-chauvinism" to describe the personal relations that men engage in as dominators with women as subordinates. Most of the essays of the book are devoted to illuminating the social and personal relations that serve to oppress women.

In her writings, Frye illuminates the oppression of sexual minorities by heterosexuals and the oppression of minority races, and she connects these to the project of feminism. In two essays in her first book and in the majority of the essays of her book Willful Virgin: Essays in Feminism (1992), Frye takes up the theme of heterosexism as manifested in feminism and society at large. She carefully describes and analyzes the myriad ways in which heterosexuality is taken to be normative. In her essay "Willful Virgin, or Do You Have to Be a Lesbian to Be a Feminist," Frye argues, "The central constitutive dynamic and key mechanism of the global phenomenon of male domination, oppression and exploitation of females is near-universal female heterosexuality" (1992, p. 129). By the term "female heterosexism" she refers not to a preference to engage in heterosexual sex, but rather to the worship of men and maleness that heterosexuality has traditionally required of women. That is, sexism exists because most women willingly tolerate being subordinate to and serving men. Furthermore, because women are subordinate to "their" men, they often comply with whatever other oppression their men perpetrate, such as racism, classism, and ethnic oppression. Thus, not participating in the patriarchal institution of female heterosexuality is an important kind of resistance to oppression generally.

By the term "female heterosexism" she refers not to a preference to engage in heterosexual sex, but rather to the worship of men and maleness that heterosexuality has traditionally required of women.

So according to Frye, straight women are sexists, or are at least willing participants in the male oppression of women.

I find this man-hating drivel nearly vomit-inducing. It sounds like Frye needs to go outside and spend 10 minutes in reality before writing another essay.

EPIC FAIL.
Blaming women of the main problems in the world, yet she's exempt from it.
I thought feminism was female empowerment, not putting down other women in the process.

man-hating literature is great to study but as a female, I don't actually feel it's necessary to follow. It's great to be aware of the social difference, but to make it into something out of proportion is unnecessary.

I wasn't going to answer any more of your questions, because you won't change my opinion and I won't change yours (if you are happy with it I wouldn't want to).
As I see it, you are a black female, with a sexual idenity crisis who is very angry. Get over it. As far as being a second class anything, you and you alone are responsible for allowing yourself to feel that way.

OH PLEASE. Yes, I'm angry. You basically just told me my culture doesn't matter - isn't really "American." Yes, I'm angry. You're sexist and has just implied, time and again, that because I'm a woman I need to submit to a man in order for our relationship to work. Yes, I'm angry. You just said I have a sexual identity crisis just because you don't understand sexuality.

"Get over it"? No, I won't - because that's the only thing racist, sexist assholes can say when they don't see that the correct response would be to apologize. No, I won't - because the idea of "getting over it" is what was expected of many oppressed races and genders when abused. So no. I won't.

I'm responsible for how I feel. That's true. The same is true for the people who belonged to generations of races that were wiped out, cultures that were assimilated and destroyed.

EDIT: I shouldn't have implied that you're an asshole, and I'm sorry about that. I just got pretty upset, because I thought you were a little out of place to imply the things that you did. I am sorry, though.

Why is this an "epic fail"? What do you mean, "yet she's exempt from it"? Why do you think she's putting other women down? I see it as a woman looking at a certain way of life and refusing to follow that way.

I've seen and experienced the idea that women belong in the kitchen, the idea that women belong to men. This idea flourishes today. Studying it isn't enough. Studying it and examining one's own life, analyzing one's own experiences, is necessary. What's the point of realizing that something is wrong and then letting it continue? Realizing that one suffers from sexism, and deciding to fight against sexism, isn't blowing something out of proportion.

Also, why do you think this is man-hating literature? I read and reread the passage to see if I'd missed something, but not once did I see an insult towards men. All I saw was the acknowledgment that men have oppressed women.

This sums it up for me:

Thus for Frye, Whiteness, heterosexuality, and sexism are bound together in ways that institute and enforce patriarchy.

what's the difference?who cares what color or culture your attraction is.as long as they have a sweet smile and a pure heart.or am i just dreaming?:vsign:

In an attempt to lighten the mood, here is an honest question to Mercedesjin...
How do you view (most likely heterosexual) women who do indeed feel that men should be the workers / the bread winners / defenders of the women - while the women devote more time and attention to the home and to children? How about women who feel that the man is and should be in control in a relationship and who are completely willing to take the subservient role?

I am honestly curious about your opinion when this is a choice made by the woman.

My first reaction is repulsion. I immediately feel like these women are both victims to an oppressive system and people who willingly promote an oppressive system. To me, willing choices reflect how a person has been conditioned to think and act by society. (For example, a sexist man who has been raised to think that women are inferior can make the choice to rape a woman, in the same way that a woman who has been raised to think that women are inferior can make the choice to stay at home.)

There are women who are conscious of the idea that they are somehow inferior, and think that women belong in the house. They promote this idea to men and women they encounter - and, even worst, to their children if they ever have any. Because they also spread the idea that women are inferior, I see them not only as victims but as oppressors.

Those are my initial thoughts... but then I'm also a little curious. I'd want to know WHY these women think that their place is in the household, and why they think they're inferior to men. I'd want to know why these women think that they need a man to go out and make money, to protect them, etc.

How am I racist? You were the one upset that you felt other races thought black people less attractive. I have seen many attractive black women. Wouldn't you say it is racist to assume another race finds your race unattractive? You are the one with the problem about your race. No one here said anything bad that I remember and certainly not I.
How am I sexist? I never said women were inferior. My whole thing about relationships goes back to how traditional relationships were and are based, the man is the head of the family. The reason that this is a problem nowadays is that men are still being taught this role while women are being taught to be independent. This makes the man feel like he has failed in his role. Equal roles in this relationship will cause a power struggle. Now I am not saying women can't be equal in this relationship, most women know how to persuade a man to give into her thinking. This has been happening since the beginning of time and still does. My wife is very skilled at this and she gets her way without making my role feel threatened.
Did you not claim you were gay and then bisexual? Why would submitting to a man be a part of these relationships? I never said that you have to submit to anyone so quit putting words into my mouth. Even in gay relationships one takes a dominant role and the other submissive. Too equals will again cause a power struggle. You need to find out which you prefer and go from there. I know what I am, but you can't seem to make up your mind. I understand sexuality just fine, thank you.
As far as my saying "get over it", you are the only one who can change your view of the world. Sure, there are always people who will find something to dislike you for like race or weight, or you wear glasses, whatever. But only you can allow them to affect you. We are all guilty of this and just need to try to "get over it".
Like I said, the world is what you make of it.
I and many here can sense your anger. Why not do something creative with it instead of trying to make everyone see your way only and lashing out at strangers on the Internet?

LO fucking L. Seriously? Dude, seriously? Seriously. Okay. I have been attacked and insulted on this forum left and right. I'm sick of it. And, when I dish a little bit of it back out, people flip the fuck out. Oh Lord. Oh Christ. If I weren't so annoyed, I'd think that was hilarious.

I said you were racist because you don't seem to think that my heritage amounts to anything. I said you were sexist because you've just spent the last couple of pages trying to convince me that women should take the traditional, inferior role of woman for a relationship to work. I'm a woman. I've been with men before. As far as I'm concerned, you automatically put me under the category of "woman" and the apparent requirement that I consider myself inferior.

You're still trying to argue with me about my own sexuality. I think even you can see how silly that is.

I and many modern-day scholars strongly agree with your idea of queer men and women needing to have someone who takes the dominant role. That role is something that stems from heterosexuality. These couples are not heterosexual. They automatically break out of traditional roles. It's true that some, unfortunately, see heterosexual couples and believe that they must mold their own relationship on the idea that one must go out and make money while the other stays home. Most, however, break out of those boundaries and seek true equality.

Thank God no one from the past took the advice you're trying to give me, because I'd be out working the plantation fields right now if they did.

As for "creative" outlets: I've worked with filmmaking, I sell paintings, I'm a teacher's assistant so that I can positively influence student's lives everyday, and I'm working to get published. What's with people on the Internet assuming that they know every little thing about me?

What's with you turning every little thing into a race debate with you in the right and everyone else (having a different opinion) in the wrong?

...You do realize that you're in a thread titled "Inter-racial attraction." Meaning the discussion is about race and has been about race for the dozens of pages before I even started posting.

The thing is, I post my own opinion. Then people reply. Those people think that I'm wrong. That's usually what makes them want to reply to me in the first place. There are many people who disagree with me in this thread, all thinking that they're right and that I'm wrong. Why am I the one that's so controversial to you? Why don't you go and question the people who so adamantly disagree with me wherever I go, and wherever I post?

Honestly, I would prefer it if I could go onto one thread - just one - and post my opinion without being asked to defend my opinion constantly. But, since I can't get that, I guess I shouldn't complain - like how I think you shouldn't complain when I speak my mind. If it's so annoying, just ignore me.

Didn't Dr. Martin Luther King try to make his world what he wanted it to be? He did something constructive. True he lost his life, but he didn't label everyone as being racist. As for you bringing up working in the fields, that is a very racist thing to try to put on someone, me, who never suggested anything near to that idea. You are the one with the problem. Everyone is against poor Mercedesjin, Whah! Aren't you assuming you know every little thing about me by accusing me of being a sexist racist?
Stay in your own little world and I'll be happy in mine.:ywave:
PS, I'm glad your not teaching my kids your hate.

First: I never said you suggested the idea of me working in the fields. Go back and read what I said a little more carefully.

Let's get one thing straight: I'm not labeling everyone as racist. I call out ignorance when I see it. I've seen it with you. Obviously, that makes you upset - but instead of becoming so defensive, why don't you take what I've said into consideration? Why don't you start to think about the fact that there is no one ideal "American" culture? Why don't you start to think about the fact that relationships can thrive without someone taking dominance?

I accused you of sexism and racism because of what you've said to me on this thread. Things that you still haven't responded to. Things that you still haven't apologized for. With the childish attitude you've been giving me, though, I guess I won't expect that anytime soon.

Oh, and by the way: a racist person spewing the preachings of Dr. King Jr. doesn't make him any less racist. It just makes him seem a little bit like a coward unwilling to challenge himself and analyze himself.

PEACE OUT.

If people are going to go so far as to call people racists and sexists they better damn well be able to back it up. Those are not terms people should throw around lightly and without any evidence that is worse than using profanity to insult someone.

I can see nothing in bELyVIS' post that claims anyone's "heritage amounts to nothing".

bELyVIS explained more than once about his relationship with his partner. Not once did her push her down, but rather it sounds like he was trying to pull her up. But that makes him sexist.

I don't see it, but I was called a racist, too, so I probably wouldn't be able to see it. Though quotes from the posts showing the racism and sexism would be nice. ("Implied" doesn't work for me in the same way "tone" doesn't work for me. It is a written forum.)

:ywave: :ywave: :ywave: :ywave: :ywave: :ywave: :ywave: :

Thank you fellow racist.:ywave:

The thread is more about race, but being racist is different altogether!

BelyVIS' commentary on Western marriage and his perception of Eastern gender roles makes him an orientalist which is racist in the broader sense.

Furthermore his claim that the degradation of marriage in Western society is due to women rebelling against tradition makes him sexist as it puts the blame of said degradation at their feet. (For the record. I don't believe marriage in the West is degrading. Times are changing sure but I wouldn't say it's degrading)

First, let me give you a round of (laughing) applause. You gave me the exact answer I expected - and that isn`t a good thing.

You feel repulsion toward a woman making a choice?
All of my life, I have believed that efforts toward equality for women were to give women the ability to make their own choices - regardless of what those choices may be.

You`re telling me now that there is a CORRECT choice that should be made, and an INCORRECT choice that should never be made? How is that increasing the options for women? How is that giving them the right to live life as they feel fit? They`re wrong not to go out and do the exact same things as men?

Believing that your place is in the home because you are inferior is a world away from WANTING to be the home-maker and caregiver to the children because it is something you enjoy.
Or wait - that enjoyment is only felt because those women have been so very oppressed that they can`t make their own choices, right? They need to be told what is good for them by the other more "enlightened" women, right? Wow, doesn`t sound all that different from being oppressed by men - but because it`s women it is alright to judge and pressure them?

Why, exactly, is not emulating a man "inferior" in your eyes?

This thread is going waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy OFF TOPIC!

Quit trying to goad me into another fight. I think it's best if neither of us comments on the others' comment.

You know what the brilliant thing about all of this is?

IT'S MY OPINION.

The fact that you and so many others have come on here to attack me about MY OPINION says that YOU think there's a "correct" choice also. So please, kindly back the fuck off. I'm entitled to my honest feelings, my honest thoughts. You asked for them. I gave them. I, on the other hand, didn't ask for your sarcasm. Why is it so damned impossible for someone to have a discussion, to say what they think and have that be the end of it, on this forum? My God.

What I'm arguing is that women make that choice because they were conditioned to think a certain way. It's like a virus that keeps spreading. In my opinion, it's brainwashing. When someone is brought up to think, "I'm inferior, my place is in the house," OF COURSE they're going to make the "choice" to stay in the house. OF COURSE they're going to look at independent women and think that they aren't acting like "real women." What I don't like about that is that those "inferior women" will continue spreading the virus - onto other men and women, onto their children. Their children will be brought up to think that women belong in the kitchen. And then, yes - they, too, will make their "choices." THOSE are the women who I don't appreciate.

It's funny that you completely left out my last paragraph. It's there that I go on to explain that, though these are my initial feelings, I also want to feel more open minded about it by asking why they think this way, why they make these "choices." Of course, you completely ignored it. I guess because you, like so many others before you, really just want to pick another fight. :/

True.

But I thought that happened with all threads. Why stop the love?

Actually, I didn`t leave out your last paragraph - nor did I ignore it. Is it impossible for you to imagine that there may be women who would still make the choice without "brainwashing"?
My opinion isn`t that there is a right or wrong choice - In fact, the choice itself doesn`t matter a bit to me. What is important is that there is an opportunity to make a choice. Your choice is up to YOU - the choices of other women should be up to THEM.
Why is it that so many who call themselves "feminists" seem to think that if a woman doesn`t make the choice to go out and do all the same things as a man that she must be brainwashed, oppressed, or have an inferiority complex?

I honestly do not understand where THAT thinking comes from. Are women not intelligent enough to make their own decisions without having to be told which is the "right" one? I find the implications of that in your opinion quite offensive, to be honest.
Should women all suddenly stop doing things they enjoy simply because at some point that was (possibly) part of some oppressive scheme? If a woman loves to cook in her own kitchen, why shouldn`t she continue to do so?

There is nothing I detest more than someone forcing their view of the world and their opinion of what is right on others. That goes for men to women, men to men, women to women, and women to men. Everyone should have the equal opportunity to make their own decisions in life. That is true equality.

I`ll make it very very clear, as you may miss it otherwise - My answer to the question of why a woman would ever choose to take the path YOU consider inferior...
Maybe, just maybe, as hard as it may be for you to imagine... because they actually WANT to take that path. Because they have their own personality, wishes, dreams and desires, and are making decisions to fulfill them.

And, just another small question - when on earth did I ever say anything that could be interpreted as "women choosing not to take a submissive role look at other women as 'not real women'"? The only one who has said that one type of woman or her choice is inferior to another has been you, mercedesjin.

Well put.:D

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!...I feel alot of heat in this room....thats all i gotta say

Mercedesjin, how dare you lambaste Nyororin for "ignoring" a part of your post when you have publicly declared you are going to ignore me?

Let's be clear you are ignoring me for saying the phrase "Racism is wherever you want to find it."

You talk about your opinion and put it in all caps.

But when it is my opinion, I am a racist. When it is bELyVIS' opinion he is a racist and a sexist. Nyororin's opinion is "repulsive".

By who? You attack, calling people racists, sexists, and assholes, but of someone disagrees with you then YOU are the victim?

bELyVIS told you to get over it when talking about your pedestal of victimization, and you said he was "denying your heritage". You declared yourself a "second-class American" and he told you to get over it. That made him a racist.

I am not going to tell you to get over it, but I will say grow up. Get your nose out of the self-victimizing literature and smell the roses.

I am a straight white male, which in the literature you have quoted is the trifecta of wrong. You want me to apologize for being what God made me, and that is not going to happen. I wish you were the first person who made me the bad guy for being a straight white man. I told you long ago, mercedesjin, that I was fighting for justice before you were even born. I don't expect you to understand that because this is a forum and all we are is words to each other. You remind me of those who assumed I had to have been gay because there is no other reason why I would have been fighting for justice.

That way of thinking is sad, because it is defeatist. It creates a culture of victimization and "us vs. them". I didn't let it bother me so much then but to be honest, it bothers me now. I won't go into detail about the work I did, but you are free to ask if it makes a difference.

In my days of being on the front line of fighting for justice and equality the first thing was to respect your ally and the second was to know your enemy. You have done the absolute opposite, mercedesjin. You know nothing of your allies and disrespect them. You toss around words like racist and sexist to those that are not. It is not a wise strategy to reduce the power of the words in your arsenal by using them on potential allies.

Chances are, mercedesjin, you would agree in general with the liberal thinking of bELyVIS, Nyororin, and myself. Unfortunately you have created a situation where it is you against the world. You insult Nyororin, bELyVIS, and me? We were your potential allies. That tells my you are in a personal vicitimization mode and strike out at everyone. I will sound like a know-it-all if I say this isn't abnormal for students your age, but it isn't abnormal for students your age.

I know I am just words on a computer screen, but since you show such disdain for your potential allies, I am curious who you do respect? I know it isn't anyone here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm forcing my opinion on others? Have I not said time and again that this is my OWN PERSONAL OPINION? Have I not said time and again that people are jumping on ME for my opinion? Wouldn't that mean that YOU ARE THE ONES who are FORCING YOUR OPINIONS ON ME?

Why do these women want to take that path? Why is it a part of their personality to stay at home and take care of the house and their husbands? Feminists aren't fighting against these individual women - we're fighting against the system that makes women think that they have a particular role to fulfill. It's the system, in my opinion, that conditions and brainwashes women into thinking that they have a place in this society. Any human being can want many things. If society tells me that, in order to be successful, I must make a lot of money and buy a big house - then gosh darn it, I'm going to want to make a lot of money and buy a big house. If society tells women that, in order to be good wives, they need to stay at home and cook and take care of their husbands - well, then, I'm sure many women will want to do just that.

Conditioning is a state that goes deep into the subconscious. It effects everyone - even to the smallest details, such as someone's favorite color... or, to the larger issues, such as someone preferring a white skin over black skin. It also effects how people perceive their roles in society. In my society, as a black woman, I've been told that I need to stand up for myself constantly. So, gosh darn it, I'll do just that. I've also been told constantly that my place is in the kitchen, cooking for men and cleaning up after men. That's one thing that I decided I wouldn't do. I could have CHOSEN to do it, yes. I would have been HAPPY doing it, yes - because hey, that's what I wanted. I know women who are happy doing just that. I'm not fighting against those women, though. I'm fighting against the system that suggested to us and conditioned us into thinking that we belong in the house, into making us happy acting as housewives because we think that's our only role. When asked, "What do you want to be?" I've seen little girls say, "A mommy." And, when asked if they knew if they could go out and do anything else, I've seen them say no. Sad, right?

A woman can cook. I'm not arguing against that. What I am arguing against is the idea that a woman must cook - only a woman, not a man - because that's her role. Hey, I love cooking. I'll cook for myself and others any day. But I also look towards others - including men - to do the same for me. That's what equality is all about, right? (And, I'm not sure if you know where this conversation stemmed from - but, if you look back a few pages, you'll see that this is all I've been arguing against from the beginning. We were talking about 50-50 relationships. Some thought that one must dominate the other in a relationship for it to work properly.)

As for your opinion, I wasn't talking about the choices women make. I was talking about your opinion, and my opinion, and the opinions on this thread. There are countless opinions, 20 pages worth. So - well, why is it MY opinion that people have jumped on? That's really what I was referring to.

I don't know where you got the impression that many feminists are like that. In my experience, feminists are men and women who fight so that women have the same economic chances as men. In my experience, feminists are men and women who fight ardently against violence against women. I think you have a stereotypical image of a feminist, the type of image processed by oppressors so that people will back away from the idea of equality.

Also, I never said that you said they're not real women. I looked back. I checked. I really did not say that. I was speaking of different societies in general who most certainly do think and feel that way. Right now, I'm in a society that thinks I'm not a real woman for thinking this way. Believe me, if you'd said that to me, I wouldn't have responded so calmly.

I don`t like to take about my personal life all that deeply... but... I feel particularly frustrated by your statements as I AM a woman who has made the choice to take the "traditional" wifely role. All on my own. Without being pressured or oppressed into it. So try for a moment to realize that I am actually coming from the other side of this.

You persist in saying that women who made these choices or are happy in these roles feel that way ONLY because society has conditioned them to feel that way. Perhaps that is true in some cases. However, it is forcing your opinion if you say that it is the only possible reason.

The only way a woman could be happy in that role is if she has been conditioned to believe it is the only one? That is certainly a revelation to me as I have a university degree and had a very nice career - but still made the active choice to assume the role I currently have. I agree that a woman shouldn`t make a choice against her true desires based on pressure from society... But to rule out the possibility that a woman could make that choice without having been brainwashed into it strikes me as a bit odd. Not everything is oppression.

Not necessarily. I`ll tell you a little story. A long long time ago, when I was in grade school, I was asked that sort of question and gave a similar answer. My teacher spent the rest of the year trying with all her might to convince me that ANYTHING was better than that. I could be anything! - as long as it wasn`t a wife and mother. That honestly made me feel horrible. It made me feel ashamed and that I should hide how I really felt. I dreaded having to make up something to make everyone happy whenever we had to talk about what we wanted to be. If I could be anything, why was that one option wrong? Is it not just as bad to belittle a little girl saying she wants to be a doctor as it is to be appalled that she wants to be a wife/mother?

In the situation where one partner is out working and the other is not - shouldn`t the one not out working take equal responsibility via cooking/housework? I do not expect my husband to cook or clean because he is out working every day - to support the household. That work is far more stressful than what I do each day. I would be quite disgusted with myself if I were so selfish as to demand that he cook and clean after spending the day working. Despite being the one "in the home" I feel our relationship is entirely equal. Not only that, I am extremely happy. And before you say that this is because I do not know anything else - I worked full time and supported us at one point. I hated it.

Do you really want me to answer this?

I have gotten this impression through the actions self proclaimed feminists have taken in my direct vicinity. I have been told countless times that I am being oppressed. That my husband is forcing me into a subservient position. I have been called a disgrace to feminism (for having a degree and a career and then opting out of it... *gasp*). I have been told by a large number of ("feminist") women that I should be ashamed of myself for not making the "right" choices. I have been informed that I am a terrible mother for not pushing the "right" ideals on my son.
I cannot even begin to count the number of times I have been told that I should leave my husband because "he made me quit my job" or because "he keeps me at home" or "he robbed me of my dreams" along with various other completely insane assumptions. I will never forget opening a bottle for my husband while his hands were full - and turning around to see the shock and disgust aimed in his direction.

If that is the stereotype, then these women need to be told not to work so hard to support it.

- "What I'm arguing is that women make that choice because they were conditioned to think a certain way. It's like a virus that keeps spreading. In my opinion, it's brainwashing. When someone is brought up to think, "I'm inferior, my place is in the house,"OF COURSE they're going to make the "choice" to stay in the house. OF COURSE they're going to look at independent women and think that they aren't acting like "real women." "
Follow your own logic. Women only make the choice to stay home because they were brainwashed and conditioned to think it is right. Therefore, all women who stay at home have been brainwashed and conditioned to feel that way. I made the "choice" to stay in the house - so of course, I must be looking at independent women and thinking they aren`t acting like "real women", right?

Who here has forced opinions on you? It is the opposite if you ask me (and probably others here).
Let's see, I cook (better than my wife), clean, believe in equal pay and opportunities for women, am I a feminist? No, you called me a sexist because I believe that women overcompensating (look that up) for equal rights have caused the breakdown of the traditional American (not Western, take note other person) marriage. I spend much of my time trying to undo my wife's "conditioning" of feeling inferior to a man. Does this sound like a sexist? I guess I am then. All I know is my wife is happy and I am happy.
You call me a racist for stating that I liked how Asian women treated me over American women. Last time I checked America was made up of many races and I dated different ones and was married before to an American (yes, she was white) woman and was not happy because I was never treated as an equal partner. This was her "conditioning" that she was more equal than me. So to you this was racist and then you decided to bring your skin color into it and because of your feeling (your conditioning) of inferiority you lashed out at me, and others, and accused us of being racist against you. No one here ever said anything about your being black made you any less important than any of us.
If anything, you are a racist for using your skin color as a method to get your opinion across. Did you know I have black relatives in my family tree, not just married but blood relatives? My family have been anti-racist for many years and have gotten more heartache for this than you can imagine. If you think blacks have a tough time now, try being married to a black person in the 1920's. I admire my relatives for having such guts, some were executed in Germany for speaking out against the treatment of the Jews during WWII.
Many people have had much worse times than you. They stuck to what they felt was right but didn't have the rights, like you enjoy today, to say much less force their opinion on anyone.
You really need to take a hard look at yourself. Do you really believe being so judgmental wins over anyone to your way of thinking? No is what I think.
BTW, I do marriage/relationship as well as other personal problems counselling. Scary who they allow to mess with your head just for me taking some extra college classes, isn't it?