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superbike81 (Offline)
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Newlywed concerns. - 07-06-2008, 11:48 AM

We just got married, I'm American, 27, and she's Japanese, 26. We live in Okinawa for now, but will be going to Tokyo in a couple years. We're going on a honeymoon in Bali in Spring of next year.

It's funny, I don't feel any different being married, maybe because we haven't had an actual wedding yet.

The actual legal marriage here in Japan is so........inconsequential. We went to the city office, and after about 20 minutes, it was just "Ok, we're married, lets go home now." No judge or anything asking me if I sware to love/honor/cherish/etc, just one of the office employees helping us with the paperwork and a friendly "omedeto" and that's it.

Ok, now on to the concerns.....

She's the same girl, but ever since we got married, she's been doing things for me way beyond what I expected. She knows how much I like Japanese girls (to the point of not being attracted to any other girls for the most part). We've watched some of the Gravure/AV videos together and she always asks if I want her to be like one of those girls (hairstyle, clothes style, etc). Two days ago I told her I liked black hair better, and the short hair style. Today she comes home with her hair dyed back to black (it was lightish brown) and cut short. This is a girl who hasn't cut her hair in like 10 years. This is just the most recent thing, she's changing everything for me, style, hair, attitude, all to please me. I'm happy about it, but I always heard that girls stop doing things for the guy once they get that wedding ring!

The big thing, and on one hand it makes me happy, on the other hand, I'm a little fearful. She knows I've got a weakness for small Japanese girls (she's 5'1" and 100lbs) with large breasts. So she starts doing research one day while I'm at work, and found out that Sora Aoi has fake breasts (US equivalent DD), and she wants to do them that size (she's a B cup right now). My "man side" is jumping for joy, my "husband side" is kinda hesitant about her putting herself through surgery and the pain during the first couple weeks of recovery. We're visiting a doctor this week for a surgery consultation.

Yeah, I know, long first post, but I figured maybe I could get some advice from other people who have Japanese girlfriends/wives anonymously. I don't want to talk to our friends about the last issue.
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07-06-2008, 11:54 AM

Why havent you given her the money to go get them done yet?

oh yeah im not married or even thinking about marriage.. im your "Guy Side"

Last edited by JoshAussie : 07-06-2008 at 11:59 AM.
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07-06-2008, 12:00 PM

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Originally Posted by superbike81 View Post
We just got married, I'm American, 27, and she's Japanese, 26. We live in Okinawa for now, but will be going to Tokyo in a couple years. We're going on a honeymoon in Bali in Spring of next year.

It's funny, I don't feel any different being married, maybe because we haven't had an actual wedding yet.

The actual legal marriage here in Japan is so........inconsequential. We went to the city office, and after about 20 minutes, it was just "Ok, we're married, lets go home now." No judge or anything asking me if I sware to love/honor/cherish/etc, just one of the office employees helping us with the paperwork and a friendly "omedeto" and that's it.

Ok, now on to the concerns.....

She's the same girl, but ever since we got married, she's been doing things for me way beyond what I expected. She knows how much I like Japanese girls (to the point of not being attracted to any other girls for the most part). We've watched some of the Gravure/AV videos together and she always asks if I want her to be like one of those girls (hairstyle, clothes style, etc). Two days ago I told her I liked black hair better, and the short hair style. Today she comes home with her hair dyed back to black (it was lightish brown) and cut short. This is a girl who hasn't cut her hair in like 10 years. This is just the most recent thing, she's changing everything for me, style, hair, attitude, all to please me. I'm happy about it, but I always heard that girls stop doing things for the guy once they get that wedding ring!

The big thing, and on one hand it makes me happy, on the other hand, I'm a little fearful. She knows I've got a weakness for small Japanese girls (she's 5'1" and 100lbs) with large breasts. So she starts doing research one day while I'm at work, and found out that Sora Aoi has fake breasts (US equivalent DD), and she wants to do them that size (she's a B cup right now). My "man side" is jumping for joy, my "husband side" is kinda hesitant about her putting herself through surgery and the pain during the first couple weeks of recovery. We're visiting a doctor this week for a surgery consultation.

Yeah, I know, long first post, but I figured maybe I could get some advice from other people who have Japanese girlfriends/wives anonymously. I don't want to talk to our friends about the last issue.

Woah, you in for a ride dude... Everything changes after marriage, the same women you know now will not the one you know in a few years. Ive been married to my wife Asuka for 3 years now. And trust me we have been through some battles. Most Japanese-American marriages experience the same shit. Prepare for cultural clash! Trust me I know. If you have any problems you can talk to me. I am in Okinawa also. PM me for my e-mail.
But hang in there dude don't be another statistic. Most Japanese American marriages that stay to gether end up happy down the road you just have to hang in there.

You are married now. No more girls, try not to even look. I know its hard. She will have some serious trust issues with you.

Satistics are 75% of the Marriages end in the first year.
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07-06-2008, 12:03 PM

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Originally Posted by jrocka83 View Post
Woah, you in for a ride dude... Everything changes after marriage, the same women you know now will not the one you know in a few years. Ive been married to my wife Asuka for 3 years now. And trust me we have been through some battles. Most Japanese-American marriages experience the same shit. Prepare for cultural clash! Trust me I know. If you have any problems you can talk to me. I am in Okinawa also. PM me for my e-mail.
But hang in there dude don't be another statistic. Most Japanese American marriages that stay to gether end up happy down the road you just have to hang in there.

You are married now. No more girls, try not to even look. I know its hard. She will have some serious trust issues with you.

Satistics are 75% of the Marriages end in the first year.
what sort of cultural things have been a problem for you and your wife? hope you dont mind answering im just interested as to what the cause from the "cultural differance" side
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07-06-2008, 12:05 PM

You shouldn't make her feel like she isn't good enough. You should like her for who she is, not what her breasts are like. I'm sure you do, but you have to make it clear that you don't want anyone but her. It's awful for a women to feel like she isn't what you wanted or that she is inferior to other women in your eyes. I don't know why you told her you find other things attractive other than her in the first place, that can be pretty hurtful you know. Nobody is perfect, obviously, but saying you like women with big breasts when she hasn't got big breasts isn't a good way to go about things. In any case, don't let her go through something like that for no reason. A women should do these things for herself, not for a man. If you think she is beautiful, tell her so. And if you don't like her for who she is already, then why did you marry her? I'm sure you do anyway, just make sure she's aware of that. Women do things like that because they are insecure, normally, so make sure she doesn't feel like that. Just my opinion there.


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07-06-2008, 12:07 PM

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Originally Posted by MissMisa View Post
You shouldn't make her feel like she isn't good enough. You should like her for who she is, not what her breasts are like. I'm sure you do, but you have to make it clear that you don't want anyone but her. It's awful for a women to feel like she isn't what you wanted or that she is inferior to other women in your eyes. I don't know why you told her you find other things attractive other than her in the first place, that can be pretty hurtful you know. Nobody is perfect, obviously, but saying you like women with big breasts when she hasn't got big breasts isn't a good way to go about things. In any case, don't let her go through something like that for no reason. A women should do these things for herself, not for a man. If you think she is beautiful, tell her so. And if you don't like her for who she is already, then why did you marry her? I'm sure you do anyway, just make sure she's aware of that. Women do things like that because they are insecure, normally, so make sure she doesn't feel like that. Just my opinion there.
isnt there a way to resolve this where shes happy and he has a wife with bigger breasts?

EDIT: im sure shes happy now so make that "Content"
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07-06-2008, 12:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshAussie View Post
what sort of cultural things have been a problem for you and your wife? hope you dont mind answering im just interested as to what the cause from the "cultural differance" side
Public Affection. In America it is not uncommon to give your wife a peck on the cheeks or lips in public. To Japanese it’s embarrassing.

Japanese men are very chauvinistic, and American men aren't.

Americans are much more laid back. Most Japanese are a little up-tight.

I can add more to the list, but me and my wife are still learning and have a long way to go to bridge are cultural differences.
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07-06-2008, 12:25 PM

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Originally Posted by JoshAussie View Post
isnt there a way to resolve this where shes happy and he has a wife with bigger breasts?

EDIT: im sure shes happy now so make that "Content"
But, the question is whether SHE wants big breasts or does she want them because HE wants them. She shouldn't have to change herself for any man. A man shouldn't even wish his wife had bigger breasts anyway, it is incredibly shallow, and can make a women feel very inferior. Big breasts don't make someone attractive, anyway. They aren't important, and they certainly aren't worth the money just to please a man.


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07-06-2008, 12:29 PM

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Originally Posted by MissMisa View Post
But, the question is whether SHE wants big breasts or does she want them because HE wants them. She shouldn't have to change herself for any man. A man shouldn't even wish his wife had bigger breasts anyway, it is incredibly shallow, and can make a women feel very inferior. Big breasts don't make someone attractive, anyway. They aren't important, and they certainly aren't worth the money just to please a man.
Obviously a Womans Point of View

but seriously.. im only joking around

i dont think you should make your wife change anything at all, when i marry.. one day.. she will be the most beautiful woman on the Planet.. in my eyes anyway

but for now.. big boobs ftw
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superbike81 (Offline)
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07-06-2008, 12:30 PM

Quote:
Woah, you in for a ride dude... Everything changes after marriage, the same women you know now will not the one you know in a few years. Ive been married to my wife Asuka for 3 years now. And trust me we have been through some battles. Most Japanese-American marriages experience the same shit. Prepare for cultural clash! Trust me I know. If you have any problems you can talk to me. I am in Okinawa also. PM me for my e-mail.
But hang in there dude don't be another statistic. Most Japanese American marriages that stay to gether end up happy down the road you just have to hang in there.

You are married now. No more girls, try not to even look. I know its hard. She will have some serious trust issues with you.

Satistics are 75% of the Marriages end in the first year.
Thanks for all the advice, I'll PM you, I think we're in for a very good marriage, but nowadays I guess you can never tell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissMisa View Post
You shouldn't make her feel like she isn't good enough. You should like her for who she is, not what her breasts are like. I'm sure you do, but you have to make it clear that you don't want anyone but her. It's awful for a women to feel like she isn't what you wanted or that she is inferior to other women in your eyes. I don't know why you told her you find other things attractive other than her in the first place, that can be pretty hurtful you know. Nobody is perfect, obviously, but saying you like women with big breasts when she hasn't got big breasts isn't a good way to go about things. In any case, don't let her go through something like that for no reason. A women should do these things for herself, not for a man. If you think she is beautiful, tell her so. And if you don't like her for who she is already, then why did you marry her? I'm sure you do anyway, just make sure she's aware of that. Women do things like that because they are insecure, normally, so make sure she doesn't feel like that. Just my opinion there.
Maybe I came off the wrong way in my post. I'm not trying to change her, she's trying to change herself for the things she already knows I like. I'm not even trying to put ideas in her head, she's coming up with all this stuff on her own. I think maybe, just maybe, this is all stuff she wanted to do before, but she was afraid that guys might not like it, but now that we're married, we can be completely open with each other. I've never told her "I think you should get bigger boobs" but she has said "honey, would you like it if I had bigger boobs?" I'm not gonna lie, and tell her no.




edit:

Wow you guys reply fast on this forum. I've already told her she doesn't have to change anything about herself and I will love her no matter what. But if she insists on doing things because she knows I like it, who am I to argue?

Last edited by superbike81 : 07-06-2008 at 12:39 PM.
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