The Japanese Girl I like is shy around me, please help!.

[ainotameni]

Hi, I have a Japanese friend who I really like, I've known her for a year and I want to tell her that I like her. The thing is she seems quite shy around me, otherwise she is talkative with others.

We both like the same type of Music, and she even taught me Japanese during term time at my University.

Sometimes when I speak to her, she is very cheerful and smiles a lot when speaking to me... but there are times where she seems cold, e.g. she doesn't talk as much when I speak to her... by giving simple short answers and only giving a 'polite smile'. I know how to read body language of normal people, but shy girls are difficult to read.

Does she behave like this to mask her feelings for me... or maybe she just doesn't like me at all?. I want to feel most confident when I tell her how much I love her. I'm a very serious person, I haven't had a girlfriend before because I have been waiting for the right person... but I really think she might be the one!.

I get the feeling she looks at me when I am facing away from her, but when I look back, her head is facing down on the floor or another direction.

I'm also shy around her as a reaction to her shyness. We have gone out together with other friends and have 'hugged' as friends when she returned to Japan for the summer holiday... but I'm afraid I might get stuck in the 'just friends' box if I leave it too late.

Also when I speak to her, she doesn't seem too open, she doesn't talk too much about herself... but is this because she is shy?. There are a lot of things that I want to feel sure about before I put myself out there and confess my love for the first time.

please can you tell me what you think?

Thank you!!

ほんとにありがとうございます！！

[MMM]

Is she an exchange student, or living there permanently? How old are both of you?

[ainotameni]

Originally Posted by MMM

Is she an exchange student, or living there permanently? How old are both of you?

She is from Japan and studying in the UK for three years. She is just a year older than me, but we are in the same year of University. We will both be 3rd year students from September... if she does go back to Japan, I won't mind moving there just to be with her... I'm going to do a teaching degree in England although I am studying IT... so I will be able to teach IT and English... I think that will be valued in Japan right?.

We have no communication problems, she speaks fluent English...although she is native Japanese.

I am 22 and she just turned 23.

[hinata2]

it sounds like she likes you to me

[MMM]

Originally Posted by ainotameni

She is from Japan and studying in the UK for three years. She is just a year older than me, but we are in the same year of University. We will both be 3rd year students from September... if she does go back to Japan, I won't mind moving there just to be with her... I'm going to do a teaching degree in England although I am studying IT... so I will be able to teach IT and English... I think that will be valued in Japan right?.

We have no communication problems, she speaks fluent English...although she is native Japanese.

I am 22 and she just turned 23.

It isn't uncommon for young Japanese women who go overseas to be allowed to go with the stipulation that they don't fall for a foreigner. Have she dated other men? If not, this might be the case.

[ainotameni]

Originally Posted by MMM

It isn't uncommon for young Japanese women who go overseas to be allowed to go with the stipulation that they don't fall for a foreigner. Have she dated other men? If not, this might be the case.

No she hasn't, do you mean that she might not date foreigners?. What you say might be true, but she does seem like a genuinely shy person so I don't think she has been asked by anyone else.

Do you think this is why she behaves in this manner or perhaps it is for some other reason?.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by ainotameni

No she hasn't, do you mean that she might not date foreigners?. What you say might be true, but she does seem like a genuinely shy person so I don't think she has been asked by anyone else.

Do you think this is why she behaves in this manner or perhaps it is for some other reason?.

I wouldn't know, as I don't know her. It may not be that she doesn't like foreigners, but that she made a promise to her family not to date/marry one. At 23 they [her parents] will begin to be thinking about marriage. How hands on they are depends on the family...I am just guessing here...but I do know more than one female Japanese exchange student that was told not come back to Japan with a boyfriend.

[ainotameni]

Originally Posted by MMM

I wouldn't know, as I don't know her. It may not be that she doesn't like foreigners, but that she made a promise to her family not to date/marry one. At 23 they [her parents] will begin to be thinking about marriage. How hands on they are depends on the family...I am just guessing here...but I do know more than one female Japanese exchange student that was told not come back to Japan with a boyfriend.

I wouldn't know something like that, but maybe I can get one of my female friends to try to ask some questions to her for me. She does seem like she comes from a very respectable family, she is different to other Japanese girls and more refined (very polite, less 'kawai' attitude and always dresses in a dignified manner).

I can understand that some parents would say that, I know people from other countries that have parents like that.

I think the only way I will know is when I ask her... I really hope her parents aren't like that.

[Zagato289]

I think she knows already that you like her. I had experienced with that type of situation before. At first, they act friendly, but when they figure out that you like them, they either like you and get shy around you, or don't like you and try to stay away from you. It could be either one. Best of luck for you mate.

[Ronin4hire]

Just tell her you like her. After all you can't read her body language therefore the only option you really have is the direct approach.

If you think there's a danger it could ruin your friendship or if you can foresee fundamental difficulties in a potential relationship with her then that's a call you have to make.

Therefore in my opinion you have two options
-be direct about your feelings with her.
-resign yourself to the fact that she's unattainable based on the circumstances/risks and just enjoy your friendship with her for what it is.