where do you meet people?

[redline]

I've hit a change in my life, I'm sick of one night stands. The only problem is that im 20 years old, the lifestyle that I live drops me right in the middle of the kind of girls that are just looking to have some fun. Not only that, it feels like i've been doing this so long that it's kind of like a bad habit, I keep putting myself in these situations by going to my normal places to pick up women, at parties, bars, kickbacks. So I ask, where do you go to meet people, and what kind of people do you meet there?

[steven]

This is weird advice, but I'd say stick with it. Be careful and... you know the rest (I hope).

If you're really serious though, I'd say school is sometimes a good place to meet people. There are a lot of the same people at schools that go to those parties, though. You have to find someone who maybe isn't into the partying stuff that you're used to as much as that will just get you right back in. If you find some groups or something like that, that might be a good place. Like if you go to school you might try joining a club or something like that-- that's where you could find someone with some common interests. Sometimes they have social events and you might meet some people at other schools nearby who also share common interests.

What you have to be careful of, is that I think a lot of girls see guys that try to swoon them as guys that will do that to just any girl. So they'll just pass you off if you try the same stuff that you would to get a one nighter.

If you're not going to school, it's probably time to start (although I guess with the economy schools are cutting back on how many people can enroll). If you go to school hopefully you can find someone who is above the party scene, which it sounds like you're trying to get over.

I guess California girls aren't like what the Beach Boys used to sing about haha. There's a lotta girls you can hook up with for a night like you're talking about, then there's gold diggers, then there's girls that are out for some kind of revenge on ex boyfriends (which might fall into the one night stand category). To be honest, I never had much luck with long term relationships in California. I think that getting away from parties is a good start though.

PS: You seem too young to wanna get into a long term relationship though... why not enjoy it while you can? Maybe take a break for a bit. This is coming from someone who's always liked older women, but I think girls that young are too immature to get serious with anyways. Just don't F it up and get someone pregnant, cause then you'll be stuck with some girl you met at a party for a one night stand... for the rest of your life (having to raise a kid... which honestly you might not know for sure if it's even your's or not).

But yea, good luck...

[redline]

Haha, what can I say? California is a party state, thats what were for lol. Seriously though, you make a lot of sense. I don't know why I really want a serious relationship, but I do know that I want something solid, something more real ya know?

I remember looking at these girls and getting them in bed was all I could think about, but idk what happen. Just got it all out of my system early I guess.

I try looking with the same hobbies as me, paintball, rally, and muay thai are the main ones. Not to sound shogunistic, but they are mainly male dominated sports, and is really hard to find any women there at all, let alone anything im attracted to lol.

I think I'm just gonna keep partying and such, and just not expect anything out of it, then if it happens it happens. Mabye just keep a look out in more places like grocery stores and other random places that don't really associate with the party scene.

[steven]

I don't know about grocery stores haha. Maybe in the movies. I'm with you, I don't know too many girls who are into the same hobbies as you and I don't know if I'd be down with them even if they did exist (no offense to any women who are into that stuff). If you're going to school you can always meet people who are in your same major/minor.

I know what you're going through though. I started giving up on that stuff around last year and now I'm married... so you never know. Marriage certainly isn't for everyone though. To be honest, I was always scared about getting married in California (I live in Japan so...) because all I ever hear about are divorces and getting screwed out of your money for the rest of your life type of stories. Another thing, my wife occasionally brings up how thankful she is that we didn't meet in some bar or at some party or something like that.

I think that party lifestyle can catch up with you though... so you only have that short window in your life to really do it right before you become one of those 40 year old men trying to put the moves on every 19 year old chick he sees. The more you participate in that kind of lifestyle the more you become it, whether that was your intentions or not from the get go or not. I've seen a lot of friends (and a lot of older people too) who went down that road a little to far and ended up nowhere. You know what they say, you either pay today or you pay tomorrow. I'd say it isn't that black and white though in this situation... if you don't have some fun for a while you'll have your regrets later on. The same thing goes if you have too much fun now... you might end up wishing you settled down. To each his own though. I'm not much older than you and I threw in the towell. I feel like I'm border line- if not too young to get married though (23).

You might try doing a long term relationship, but I think they are pretty taxing if you're not serious about it (especially since one of you will eventually become serious regardless of the other). But I think it would definitely be a good experience as you might learn what really pisses you off about the opposite sex as to avoid certain women with certain traits in the future and stuff like that.

By the way, I'm digging your word "shogunistic". I'm not sure if you meant it or not but I got a laugh out of it. I know what you wanna say though.

[redline]

srry man, I didnt mean it anything negative to anyone by it. I've never meant it to tie to any race or anything like that if thats how you kind of took it.

[TalnSG]

My 1st reaction to the question was sort like Steven's postcript..... Why?
I know when I was in my 20s I had no intention of "settling down" or anything close to it.

But a few more moments of thought and I also remembered the desire for someone in my life on a more consistent basis than the brief encounters/one-night-stands back then. I got lucky and found a best friend and more for a year or two, and we managed to keep from getting exclusive and obsessed with each other.

Those sports don't lend themselves to meeting women..... not even when they aren't "prissy" types. While I would drag race, go to a shooting range or bowling, I never had any desire to suit up in something covering my face and get hit with projectiles (ie. paintball). And Muay Thai is a bit extreme for the average person (male or female). Try modifying it a bit. Tone it down to maybe Tai Chi class. Women are more likely to work into martial arts from there and it won't hurt your form in other arts either.

Same goes for almost everything. Don't stop what you're doing, just tone it down and take it a bit slower. It will make you more approachable to a woman who might notice, but write you off as being on the fast track - which translates back to fast romance (fast start and fast finish). Don't pounce. Talk, have a casual date, wait, have another casual date. You will weed out the ones in for a fast fling if you take things slow and steady. Just don't slow things down to the point the women wonder if you are even interested.

[MMM]

"shogunistic" ... classic.

[TalnSG]

Shongunistic ...... would that be uniquely Japanese chauvanism?

With the aura attached to a Shogunate, it seems have a bit less negative connotation for me ... or maybe a bit more justification to the maschismo inferred.

[redline]

well, now I know not to use that word out of curtousy, but seriously, being such a commonly used word to describe an opression of females here in the states, I never once thought of japan or anything of the sort while using this word. So again sorry if anyone took offense.

[TalnSG]

Originally Posted by redline

well, now I know not to use that word out of curtousy, but seriously, being such a commonly used word to describe an opression of females here in the states, I never once thought of japan or anything of the sort while using this word. So again sorry if anyone took offense.

Redline, I don't think any of us were offended by "shogunistic".
I, for one, was mildly amused because I thought you have coined a somewhat unique term.

But the word you defined above is "chauvanistic".