Arigatou gozaimasu.

So I had no trouble translating this piece, but the way this character talks strikes me as odd. Given what Masaegu said earlier about the continuative vs. -te form, I'm wondering where this kind of language falls in the grand scheme of things:

Or am I hallucinating and this is normal? I can't even put my finger on what's different about it. Maybe it's just odd because I've been weaned on netspeak?

edit: I lie, there are a lot of things I could point to that strike me as odd, now that I'm reading more of her dialog. She likes に and で in preference to... any other connective, her sentences generally have more clauses than I'm used to, she's fond of using nouns where I would expect verbs, and what she says is extremely vulnerable to back-to-front translation, it's creepy.

(And, hey, just in case I screwed up completely, if you could translate it for me too?)

I am going to say with total confidence that there is no unnaturalness or peculiarity, let alone "mistakes" in this writing except for the absense of periods in the first two sentences, which I cannot imagine is the author's mistake (but your own).

This author appears incomparably more trained in prose writing than the author of the piece that you showed us in your first post here.

Despite your claims, I find no instances where　に or で is used for a connective in the writing. None. The sentences have very few clauses in them, three at the most, to be exact, which is far from unusual. Where did you learn that one would use so many verbs in Japanese? You expect the use of many verbs in Japanese or in your native language?

I am willing to translate this only if you yourself take the time to do it first.

I never suspected there were mistakes in it, and I'm very sorry if I implied I thought there were. It's just not a writing style I'm used to. I had two choices: It's simply everyday formal writing, or it's slightly old fashioned writing, either way would suit the character delivering it. I'm constantly embarrassing myself by making guesses and being corrected, I was hoping to word my question as neutrally as possible, but have failed. In retrospect I see I shouldn't have used the word odd. It is different from what I'm used to. I apologize.

If this is normal, everyday, formal Japanese, I love it. It's been some of the least frustrating translating I've done in a while. I don't see a lot of formal writing. They never teach formal writing. While it's true I only took two semesters of Japanese, I'm confident I could've taken two more and never seen anything like this. It's odd to me because they teach Japanese strangely in the US, not because it's odd Japanese.

Thank you for your help in this.

The writing style used is not "old". It reads like it has been written within the last few decades. People write like this today and people wrote like this 30-40 years as well. It may well be a story from long ago as suggested by the use of the words 「寺子屋」, 「妖怪」 and 「妖精」, but the writing style itself is something any average contemporary junior high school student could read with ease.

Regarding the formality, it is not too formal or informal. It is right down the middle even though only three lines have been given. It is very concise and clear if anything.

I have already discussed the tenses used in stories with you, so I will skip it this time.

Again, I have some questions on casual Japanese in a manga I'm reading.

1. http://i.imgur.com/Fl4KV.jpg
Does コースをふさぐな mean "don't get in my way"?

2. http://i.imgur.com/QQeXt.jpg
a/ What does の身にもなって mean?
b/ Does the girl mean 根性?
c/ Is ものっそい = ものすごい?

3. http://i.imgur.com/GVbph.jpg
a/ I would like to ask about the use of なかれ. Does it always come after a verb in dictionary form? And when do Japanese people use it?
b/ Are 迷わス行ケヨ行ケパわかるサ two separate lines : 迷わず行けよ and 行けばわかるさ?

4. http://i.imgur.com/UbgO1.jpg
Is スーハー here something like せーの?

5. http://i.imgur.com/Qio31.jpg
May I ask what クル means here?

1. Yes. "Do not block my course."

2a. It means "Try to think from the bike's standpoint."
2b. I would say yes though I do not have much context.
2c. Exactly.

3a. No, not always. なかれ follows two things.
1. Verbs in dictionary forms.
2. Verb + こと
We use なかれ when we want to sound dramatic or "cool" in an educated way.
3b. Correct.

4. No. It is what they say when they practice karate punches. Kind of like "One, two."

5. "To be effective".

あの。。。
 

まさえぐさんは、どうやって英語がそんなに上手ですか 。is this right?

what is the difference between these two
 

韓国人友達たちがいるんですか
韓国人友達がいますか

練習は普通いくら長い間しますか?
 

Is that how you say 'How much do you practice usually?'

"When you practice how long do you practice?" is what I want to say.