Almost living in Osaka

[JesseYuki]

Hello everyone, first post

I am going to be living and working in Osaka very soon, I arrive on the 14th January and will stay around 2 years, possibly more if I am having too good a time to go back to England :P And I'm sorted for a job and a place to live.

I was wondering if anyone has any tips or advice they wish they'd known before arriving or something, I've tried to think of everything but it's impossible if you don't really know what you've missed!

I speak some Japanese (enough to get by day-to-day) and will investigate those free Japanese classes I've heard of. I really hope to be fluent within a year and I think it's possible if I make the effort, right?

One question that might seem weird... you hardly ever see western girls with Asian guys... is it because Western girls are not considered 'girlfriend material' or are they just not attractive to asian guys? Have western girls found Japanese men to be as chauvenistic as I've heard they are? (no offense intended, that's just what I've read in various places) I find asian guys really attractive and would love to have a Japanese boyfriend, but I can't tolerate sexism! Paranoid or not?

Is it easy to open a bank account in Japan? And I can't wait to get a Japanese mobile phone, it that easy too? Just a case of going to the shop and getting one? is there such thing as a pay-as-you-go or is it all contracts?

I'm so excited, I've wanted to live there for as long as I can remember!

[MMM]

Bring all the deodorant and toothpaste you will need.

[Naoko]

Originally Posted by JesseYuki

One question that might seem weird... you hardly ever see western girls with Asian guys... is it because Western girls are not considered 'girlfriend material' or are they just not attractive to asian guys? Have western girls found Japanese men to be as chauvenistic as I've heard they are? (no offense intended, that's just what I've read in various places) I find asian guys really attractive and would love to have a Japanese boyfriend, but I can't tolerate sexism! Paranoid or not?

From what I was told by a friend who lived in Japan, it's not that they're male chauvinist pigs...but that American women are too haughty (and from an outside point of view, I can believe that), and hard to handle. We tend to be very in-your-face, and with the "I can do it my d**ed self" movement most women are on, it makes it difficult. I.E. We're not submissive...at all...which in some countries is seen as unladylike. At least that's what I was told.

Another thing to look at...notice how they're so freaking cute and oftentimes polite? Yeah...American women are sorely lacking in that department...I've seen vulgarities that are just UGH around here...

[Nyororin]

The biggest reason, in my opinion, that western women and Japanese men don`t usually end up together;
The western woman is not willing to leave her family/friends and live in Japan.

No matter how strongly "feminist" the country says it is, in the end, there aren`t that many women supporting their husbands. So in general, the wife goes with the husband - not the other way around. When it comes to "western" man, Japanese woman - she`s usually quite willing to go with him to wherever after they`re married. (Whether that works out in the long run is a story for another time...)　The western man generally goes into the relationship with the thought that he can take her "home" with him if they decide to get married.

On the other hand, there isn`t a lot of "I can take him home" when it comes to a western woman going into a relationship with a Japanese man. But at the same time, there is also very little thinking of "staying" in Japan with him. Japanese men also view the potential of a relationship as being quite low - when she leaves, there is a 99% chance that it`s over. Most people don`t like setting themselves up for disappointment.

Another issue I think is that in general, more Japanese women have the time to invest in language study than Japanese men. When men are pushing to acquire work skills, a lot of women will focus on other things - like studying English... Which puts them into direct contact with English teachers (largely male). And a lot of those women are studying with the dream of a relationship, having been fed images of "Western men are so much more romantic than Japanese men!" all their lives....

[cridgit001]

Which is good for some and bad for others...
I'm also looking into Osaka. I will hopefully be doing a foreign study there for a year in the fall of 2010. That is, if everything goes to plan.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

The biggest reason, in my opinion, that western women and Japanese men don`t usually end up together;
The western woman is not willing to leave her family/friends and live in Japan.

No matter how strongly "feminist" the country says it is, in the end, there aren`t that many women supporting their husbands. So in general, the wife goes with the husband - not the other way around. When it comes to "western" man, Japanese woman - she`s usually quite willing to go with him to wherever after they`re married. (Whether that works out in the long run is a story for another time...)　The western man generally goes into the relationship with the thought that he can take her "home" with him if they decide to get married.

On the other hand, there isn`t a lot of "I can take him home" when it comes to a western woman going into a relationship with a Japanese man. But at the same time, there is also very little thinking of "staying" in Japan with him. Japanese men also view the potential of a relationship as being quite low - when she leaves, there is a 99% chance that it`s over. Most people don`t like setting themselves up for disappointment.

Another issue I think is that in general, more Japanese women have the time to invest in language study than Japanese men. When men are pushing to acquire work skills, a lot of women will focus on other things - like studying English... Which puts them into direct contact with English teachers (largely male). And a lot of those women are studying with the dream of a relationship, having been fed images of "Western men are so much more romantic than Japanese men!" all their lives....

I think all you say is true, Nyororin.

I will speak in sweeping generalizations, (and I do know successful Japanese-male, Western-female relationships), but Japanese men are certainly attracted to non-Japanese women. I think there is an intimidation factor to a certain degree, and probably more than that, an opportunity factor.

I think for the young generation now, (teens and 20s) the problem of the Japanese man being a mama's boy is starting to crumble. In generations past, that was indeed true as the husband basically transitioned from his mother to his wife in a seamless stroke. But nowadays men, like their female counterparts, are learning independence and living alone and the benefits that brings. Maybe that's why I see more Japanese men with the confidence to speak to Western women these days. I think its great.

[JesseYuki]

Some very interesting replies, thanks guys!

...toothpaste and deodorant? Really?! I remember I got a "soap" scented deodorant in Japan when I was there on holiday and it was highly disappointing, smelled more like oven cleaner... is that what you mean? (will not make a joke about bad japanese teeth )

Naoko, hmmm... I can see what you mean, perhaps some American woman can be a bit 'brash' (I am English, don't know if that would make much of a difference in Japan - all westerners are westerners, is that right?) but I do consider the opinion that women should be polite, diminutive and 'cute' sexist. Being 'cute' at all times cannot possibly be the nature of all Japanese women, indicating they are making a special effort to appear that way, in which case they're doing it only to fit in with a male ideal of what a woman should be like etc. etc. That's the sort of thing I'd have a problem with.

I've heard about Japanese women speaking in a higher voice that comes naturally to them to appear more girl-like and cute. Ridiculous IMHO. I probably would be considered more 'un-feminine' compared to Japanese women. Oh well. Especially considering I'm pretty much going there to study my martial art seriously - Aikido. Bruises, broken bones and blood not so feminine?! heh heh

Nyororin, I can certainly see how there is truth in that. Japanese women do appear a lot more willing to just go with whatever the husband does and western woman are not so likely to do that. You made some very good points. Indeed, I had heard that some Japanese women aspire to get western boyfriends and it's not so common the other way around. There's always the exceptions though, with the right guy (with nice hair) I'd be willing to drop anchor in Japan! I have heard Japanese men are shy. I like shy guys, but I'm shy too! Oh no! hee hee

Anyway, relationships aside and all that (I'm not on a husband-hunting trip or anything ) I am really looking forward to being there. <--- understatement, I'm more like delirious with excitement and can hardly walk straight! Six weeks to go! *dokidokisuru!*

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by JesseYuki

Naoko, hmmm... I can see what you mean, perhaps some American woman can be a bit 'brash' (I am English, don't know if that would make much of a difference in Japan - all westerners are westerners, is that right?) but I do consider the opinion that women should be polite, diminutive and 'cute' sexist. Being 'cute' at all times cannot possibly be the nature of all Japanese women, indicating they are making a special effort to appear that way, in which case they're doing it only to fit in with a male ideal of what a woman should be like etc. etc. That's the sort of thing I'd have a problem with.

You`re looking too superficially. Other women are a lot more harsh on this than men - and in reality, most women do not hold up a "cute" image all of the time. I think that a lot of normal cultural traits are interpreted as "cute" when they`re not really intended to be... Women aren`t the only ones speaking in a high voice - men do the EXACT same thing, raising their voice a tone when speaking politely. It`s not a "cute" thing, it`s just something you DO. People are generally polite to each other - that`s also not a "women only" sort of thing. It isn`t a male ideal - it`s a cultural ideal. Maybe it has something to do with male ideals in the past, but now it`s really a moot point. You`ll find just as much, if not more, bowing and "diminutive" actions among men.

I've heard about Japanese women speaking in a higher voice that comes naturally to them to appear more girl-like and cute. Ridiculous IMHO.

Covered this above - but... Speaking in a higher pitch indicates attentiveness and politeness. You have to make the effort to do so, whether it comes naturally or not. It shows a level of respect to the party you`re speaking to.
It is NOT a gender thing - listen to the male read announcements on the train, or to any male store clerk. They raise their pitch also.

Anyway - I AM married to a Japanese man, and have lived here with him for 10 years now.

[Naoko]

That's not what I meant, JesseYuki. I said they're cute and oftentimes polite. Not all the time, nor their voice. I think Japanese women are cute in general, that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it. It's not sexist at all. Not to mention...that'd be odd being sexist towards my own gender lol.

Now, if I said we're "expected" to be cute..that would be sexist. As far as their voice being higher? I noticed when I lived in HI that a lot of the Asian girls period had voices that were a little more high than others. I don't think that's an effort to be cute, but just how their voices are lol.

Either way, I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, are you going to Japan to absorb everything or are you going to catch a man? If one comes along, he does. If not, then oh well. I'd just be happy I got to have the experience. Paranoia will only hinder the fun :P

[bELyVIS]

Japanese women love foreign men because Japanese men live for their work and not their family. Also, they are likely to have affairs. This is not true of all of them, but true enough to make a gaijin like me very popular.
My wife never dated a Japanese man because of what she saw even though her father wasn't this way.
If I were you, I'd look for a Jguy that has lived overseas. They are much more open minded and try not to seem too bossy like most American women I know.