For those who is alone, living in japan

[ZedKnightly]

how do you make friends with japanese people?
please state if u are working or not.

how do u break the barrier between social life and work life, in order to get close to them?

and how do you enjoy your free time when u have no friends here?

in short how do u live?

ill go first.
i cant exactly say im alone as i went here with a friend, we work in the same company. but of course our rooms are different.

and even though i have a friend here, since shes a girl with a bf in the philippines, i cant exactly take her wth me to go to mall together or tour together.

so i always end up not going anywhere on my free time since i have no one to go with (guys, or girlfriend)

in the office its hard to befriend them since theres this huge barrier between work n social life.

the thing with japanese people is, they tend to make their loyal/true friends during their school days. when they work, they have this different persona in the office and its like if ur their officemate, thats all u can ever become. nothing personal there.

so anyways back to my story.

so im alone here, quite sad actually. ive been here 1.5 years and situation hasnt changed.

how bout u guys how do u do it?

[biginjapan]

As sad as it may sound I actually found my best Japanese friend through the internet. At first we started off as just pen pals but we started talking a lot through MSN and skype and when I went to Japan we hung out a lot. I'm not terribly shy but I'm not too outgoing either. I found that it wasn't difficult to make friends but its very hard to make a good friend in Japan.

I'd say if you really are having trouble perhaps try to make a profile on some website and try getting to know some people who want to meet foreigners. If you don't like that idea try getting involved in some kind of circle. I did jiu-jitsu in Japan and at first nobody talked to me but after spending a lot of time there I made many good friends. I noticed that people in clubs always hang out with within their group so it may be a good idea to get in some activity. Hope I helped.

[MMM]

I agree that a lot of people like to keep work as work and pleasure as pleasure. I am like that, too.

I made friends in Japan by hanging out at a local shot bar. It was a place where only neighborhood people came for a drink or a bite after work. It was small enough private conversations were almost impossible, so everyone there pretty much knew everyone else. I still always visit when I go back to Japan (over 10 years after moving back to the US) and many of my same friends are still hanging out there.

[samurai007]

For me, I made some of my best friends by meeting with the local Volunteer Interpreter and Guide Club. They took me around the various local temples and historical sights and practiced their English and ways to describe the scenes. We used to kid around that I was their "practice gaijin" for when "real foreigners" came to the area to visit. (Of course, I was a foreigner too, but since I lived there, traded English for Japanese lessons with them, went to their club parties and get-togethers, etc, I was sort of an honorary member of the club). They and their friends and families became some of my best friends in Japan.

I also became good friends with several of the teachers I worked with. Many of the teachers just kept things on a professional level, as you said, but some of them seemed to really take a liking to me, and we'd hang out, play tennis together, go out for dinners, sightseeing on the weekends, etc.

[ZedKnightly]

Originally Posted by samurai007

For me, I made some of my best friends by meeting with the local Volunteer Interpreter and Guide Club. They took me around the various local temples and historical sights and practiced their English and ways to describe the scenes. We used to kid around that I was their "practice gaijin" for when "real foreigners" came to the area to visit. (Of course, I was a foreigner too, but since I lived there, traded English for Japanese lessons with them, went to their club parties and get-togethers, etc, I was sort of an honorary member of the club). They and their friends and families became some of my best friends in Japan.

I also became good friends with several of the teachers I worked with. Many of the teachers just kept things on a professional level, as you said, but some of them seemed to really take a liking to me, and we'd hang out, play tennis together, go out for dinners, sightseeing on the weekends, etc.

are u a girl by any chance? haha. maybe thats why?
i dunno.

well in here ive made 1 japanese friend. but he already has his family so he cant exactly go out and have fun together with me.

join clubs/orgs huh?
i feel i dont belong even if its all foreigners in the club.

to tell u honestly
if its a group of americans or what i feel like i dont belong, get super shy and dont even bother to talk. hehe. ive been to a meetup party u see. lots of americans were there and others as well, and all i can do was stand. lolz.
im just shy i guess so clubs wont work..

[samurai007]

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly

are u a girl by any chance? haha. maybe thats why?
i dunno.

well in here ive made 1 japanese friend. but he already has his family so he cant exactly go out and have fun together with me.

join clubs/orgs huh?
i feel i dont belong even if its all foreigners in the club.

to tell u honestly
if its a group of americans or what i feel like i dont belong, get super shy and dont even bother to talk. hehe. ive been to a meetup party u see. lots of americans were there and others as well, and all i can do was stand. lolz.
im just shy i guess so clubs wont work..

Nope, I'm a guy, not a girl.

And the Interpreter and Guide Club I mentioned was all Japanese except for me. I did hang out with my fellow JETs quite a bit too, and went to many of the events the AJET organized.

Why don't you feel like you belong? IMO, foreigners of every nationality had a common bond by being "not Japanese", or gaijin (even if they were Asian). I made many friends from Canada, Australia, England, Scotland, New Zealand, etc. You have to be brave enough to take the first step, be friendly and open, and just go with the flow.

[Nyororin]

I`m no longer "alone" in Japan, but obviously I was at some point and had to make the transition to not being so in order to have the opportunity to get married...

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly

how do you make friends with japanese people?
please state if u are working or not.

The exact same way you make friends with people ANYWHERE. Japanese people aren`t all that different than most people the world over.

how do u break the barrier between social life and work life, in order to get close to them?

By talking to them? I don`t mean to be sarcastic - if you are communicating with these people in a work setting, try talking a bit more personally. Take little steps, ask them about their hobbies, interests, etc.

Much like you would outside of Japan.

and how do you enjoy your free time when u have no friends here?

I put most of my effort into making friends.

If you are working in a company, chances are there are 飲み会, right? That is where most of the leaps from work to social happen. It`s not going to happen quickly or without effort - but I can assure you it isn`t an impossibility.
Take part in some sort of neighborhood events - check your local town/city facilities for events in things you have some interest in. As strange as it sounds, talk to middle aged women who will almost ALWAYS want to introduce you to someone, which is a chance.

I think that you`re wrong about the making all friends during school days bit. I don`t know all that many people who keep in good touch with their friends from school days.

The biggest issue, in my opinion, is finding the time outside of work to put effort into a friendship. That is the same anywhere. But obviously it can happen, as there are enough people out there with friends they made at work and enough office marriages...

[spicytuna]

Maybe it's because I'm a small town guy but I just go up to people and start talking to them. Hahaha!

One time, I was on the Yamanote-sen when a girl sat down beside me and pulled out an English textbook. Of course I took the opportunity to speak to her in English and she was pleasantly surprised. We talked for a bit, exchanged cell phone #'s and met a few times to have an English conversation over a coffee or beer.

I know that city people - especially in Tokyo aren't exactly receptive to having strangers approach them. However, if you have something in common... especially the English language, they'll be willing to put their guard down for a bit. After that, it's up to your charm and humor to win them over.

And no, I'm not into nanpa. In fact, I talked to a businessman at a Starbucks in Japan and we had a really good conversation. So much that he invited me to his favorite kyabakura (hostess bar) for some drinks afterwards. But that's a different story...

[biginjapan]

no offense dude but the problem sounds like its your low self esteem. If you aren't comfortable in social situations then you aren't going to make friends anywhere in the world. In order to make friends you do need to actually talk to them. If you stand still in a room of people then that won't help your situation. You need to get over being shy and approach people.

You won't join a club? Come on dude, don't ask for help if you aren't willing to change.

Thats like me asking how do I gain muscle? And then I say "well I don't want to lift weights because its tiring."

Sorry if I come off like I dick but I guess thats one of my problems is that I've always been blunt.

[bELyVIS]

Originally Posted by biginjapan

no offense dude but the problem sounds like its your low self esteem. If you aren't comfortable in social situations then you aren't going to make friends anywhere in the world. In order to make friends you do need to actually talk to them. If you stand still in a room of people then that won't help your situation. You need to get over being shy and approach people.

You won't join a club? Come on dude, don't ask for help if you aren't willing to change.

Thats like me asking how do I gain muscle? And then I say "well I don't want to lift weights because its tiring."

Sorry if I come off like I dick but I guess thats one of my problems is that I've always been blunt.

I Agree. You are the only one who can change your situation. Join a club. Take Japanese lessons. Learn bellydance like I did (OK, I'm not good but I met a lot of friends, especially ladyfriends ). You need to take responsibility for yourself. Get off your butt and LIVE!