Japanese raising

[Kal3ido]

I dont look at it as who looks better, if you come from a family where evey 3rd child succeeds, then you will understand my thinking. My mom and dad gave us a good home, made good living, they was involed in our lives, but my brothers as my dad calls them are "stumps". Since im the only one doing something with my life, I refuse to have my kids displayed in this negative light. I know that this might be wishy washy, but who know's as Im told, we have bad blood. I didn't believe it at first but it happens a lot where I live at. If you have 3 kids it seems like 2 of them will be stumps. That's in my family and friends. Im very superstitions(sp?)
Let's take BET for starters. What do you see? If a kid grows up and believes this is my culture I need to act this way or do this or wear this. Media does play an active view in children lives. All I can do is install in my child good values. I know I can not be with the child 24/7 and be like this is wrong, dont give into peer pressure and things like that. I think if a child feels that it's apart of another culture that has good values, maybe it will become different and a well respected person and want to know more about it. Maybe my notions are flawed, but they can be fixed. I just want my kids to not turn out like my generation.
Me on the other hand I feel I did good, I dont like to feed into the negative, but if you see it happens so many times how can you keep turning a blind eye and not wonder why it happens. Peer pressure was never an issuse for me, I dont follow the crowd. School was tough, but im still at it and doing a swell job if I dont say so myself.

[SSJup81]

Originally Posted by Kal3ido

I dont look at it as who looks better, if you come from a family where evey 3rd child succeeds, then you will understand my thinking. My mom and dad gave us a good home, made good living, they was involed in our lives, but my brothers as my dad calls them are "stumps". Since im the only one doing something with my life, I refuse to have my kids displayed in this negative light. I know that this might be wishy washy, but who know's as Im told, we have bad blood.

I really can't understand this at all. I'm trying very hard to, but I'm failing miserably. I don't understand this "bad blood" thing at all. How can one's blood be an outcome with how a person is going to turn out? No one has that power. Then again, maybe I'm having a difficult time understanding this because I don't believe in superstitions.

Let's take BET for starters. What do you see? If a kid grows up and believes this is my culture I need to act this way or do this or wear this.

Then it's your job as the parent to show your child otherwise through example. You can't shelter your kids from stuff like that, but you can act as a role model for your kids. Be involved in the kid's life. Show them that not all African Americans act like the filthy stereotypes that BET spews out. Show that it's not a sin to study and try to make something of yourself. Go read Bill Cosby's book, "Wake up People!" Seriously! I find this to be a very bad excuse. It's you're giving up on parenting before you even become one and "assuming" that your child will automatically "assume" that just because blacks on television like BET glorify being a "thug" or "hood" that that's the way things are supposed to be. Show your child some positive black role models, which consists of doctors, inventors, philosophers, scientists, writers, etc.

I hate the fact that you're coming across as if only media and society has an influence on your kid. Family has a big bearing on how a child acts.

Media does play an active view in children lives. All I can do is install in my child good values. I know I can not be with the child 24/7 and be like this is wrong, dont give into peer pressure and things like that.

That's where teaching comes in. If you raise your child right from an early age, teach them as best as you can, then you just put trust into your child and hope it sticks with them.

I think if a child feels that it's apart of another culture that has good values, maybe it will become different and a well respected person and want to know more about it. Maybe my notions are flawed, but they can be fixed. I just want my kids to not turn out like my generation.

If the child grows up with an American, even if it's unintentional, the child will pick up on American ways through the parent(s) if the parent(s) is/are American.

Even if you do send your child to Japan, what about alcohol and smoking? Both of these are really common over there. There's a chance your child could become an alcoholic and a chain smoker, hypothetically speaking.

That aside, your child will not turn out like your generation...he/she'll turn out like the next generation.

Me on the other hand I feel I did good, I dont like to feed into the negative, but if you see it happens so many times how can you keep turning a blind eye and not wonder why it happens. Peer pressure was never an issuse for me, I dont follow the crowd. School was tough, but im still at it and doing a swell job if I dont say so myself.

Then why do you need to send your kid to Japan or have a Japanese child when you can instill these values in your child yourself?

[Kal3ido]

You can not understand what you do not know. Same goes for me and the Japanese culture, I need to be there to see first hand.
But as for the other things. A lot of people I know raise there kids right, and they still turn out bad, mines included. Family does play an EXTREMELY important part of there lives. But not all families as loving and have the white picket fance in front of there house. My family is not even close. I hate being around them. Again this has nothing to do with my self esteem and self image. Im talking about the African American people as a whole self image. Im not ashamed for me, but for the ones who act like the way people "think" we are. Even if I install 100% good values in him/her, does not mean they are going to listen. And this is where all the traits/genes/culture/herditary(sp?) falls in. I can do my best and not succeed and I can do my best and succeed. If I was giving up, I would not be sitting her on my phone debating with you. It's not just my culture or way of life. Everyone is affected. What about Linsey Lohan, Karine Steffans, Irv Gotti, Snoop Dog, 50 cent, Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton? Im sure there parents installed some good values into them as well. Everyone is not the Beyonce's or the 50 cents. Actually I have a lot of pride in being black, I just hate the negative image some have of us. I'am certainly going to show my child the wonderful people of the African American culture. But it's a shame when I ask black kids about black inventors, or hero's and they can only tell me Dr. King. You can only teach your kids so much, believe me, my mother done told me some things when I was younger and they have went in one ear and out the other. I think that everyone should be more open and not self-centerd. That's why I want a baby of mix heratige. To experiance things that was limited to me. And to understand how humanity should be. Most of my friends are not even interested in other races, unlike myself or dont even have one diverse friend. Normally to me, friends try and brain wash you, even if you dont want to do it. Most kids will to feel accepted by their peers. Why are so many pre-teens having sex and having babies? Because this is there common answear. "My friends are doing it, so Im doing it not to be left out." I did a paper on this last year. I even took a survery of my college. I hate cliques and I hate the norm. Just because I want a African American and Japanese baby make me wrong. Because I feel that with this she/he will have the couarge to succeed. Maybe the good parts of both races will rub of on the child. I will do my best as the parent, but it really depends on the child. Only thing I can do is try not to make the same mistake's my friends that are young mothers and my parents.

[MMM]

You still don't seem to get it. The cycle you are trying to break doesn't come from the color of your child's skin, but the values you are raised under and the beliefs inside you.

For the third and final time.

Why do you want a baby?

[Kal3ido]

Just because Im worried about my race and how it's seen by other's, does not mean I do not get it.
But to me having a baby is self fullfilling and I believe it's time to take that next step. Im not saying im bout to go out right now and get pregnant. Oh no, im only 19. But for the other things. Im almost done with college, I have a great paying job, and numerous other income. Im into the stock market, I own property, I take pictures, Im joint-ownership with a club and Im a landlord. I think it do not get any better then this. I gross about $50, 000 a year of that alone and that's with an A.S degree. Another thing is I do not want to be to old and have children. I see how, it was with me and my mother.
But lets put the nationlity of the baby aside, we all do respect, all I want to know now is how can I infuse the good values of the Japanese culture into my own? One response was I'll have to live in Japan, any others if there are, any other way's I would like to hear them.

[Retrogamer77]

Originally Posted by Kal3ido

I dont look at it as who looks better, if you come from a family where evey 3rd child succeeds, then you will understand my thinking. My mom and dad gave us a good home, made good living, they was involed in our lives, but my brothers as my dad calls them are "stumps". Since im the only one doing something with my life, I refuse to have my kids displayed in this negative light. I know that this might be wishy washy, but who know's as Im told, we have bad blood. I didn't believe it at first but it happens a lot where I live at. If you have 3 kids it seems like 2 of them will be stumps. That's in my family and friends. Im very superstitions(sp?)

I can in a way understand where you come from. Sometimes when I go to my original neighborhood and see where I grew up...it's just a huge embarrassment. But I will NEVER! Be ashamed of who I am, or what my culture represents. I believe that every person should be proud of their heritage, not full of themselves off of it. I don't see what anything you have to say applies to your child being Japanese. I guess I just don't get why...why Japan? It doesn't make sense to me. As others were saying, the likeliness of you being able to adopt a child in Japan is low. If you really want a child to grow up with the 'Japanese Culture' then you either become a Japanese citizen and live there, or you don't adopt one at all.

Originally Posted by Kal3ido

Let's take BET for starters. What do you see? If a kid grows up and believes this is my culture I need to act this way or do this or wear this. Media does play an active view in children lives. All I can do is install in my child good values. I know I can not be with the child 24/7 and be like this is wrong, dont give into peer pressure and things like that. I think if a child feels that it's apart of another culture that has good values, maybe it will become different and a well respected person and want to know more about it.

I take great offense to this. If your child, should it be african american, grows up thinking that BET is everything it's culture is about then that is the fault of the parent. Why is it that you have to live in the 'perfect home with the white picket fence' in order to have good values instilled? I grew up in one of the worst suburbs outside of chicago and the South side of chicago. Not once have I stolen, gotten into a fight, been suspended/expelled, been in any unlawful activity. I graduated the valedictorian of my 8th grade class, and the top 50% of my senior high school class. I am a German/Marine Biology double major with a minor in Chinese and a 3.2 GPA. And NO we did not have that picket fence. My parents worked their asses off, and are still doing so, to give me good opportunities AND values and THAT is why I am where I am today. Do not blame it on the media. It essentially the parenting that plays the main role in a child coming into their identity. There is nothing wrong with the values of my parents/grandparents/etc. Do NOT imply that it is African Americans who have bad values as things like that do not discriminate along racial lines. In other words it exists in ALL races, including the Japanese.

[Kal3ido]

Im not implying that evey single African American has bad values. And other race's don't have any either. I lived in a couple different places in NYC and(going of my personal experiences) 80% of the black kids have bad values or none at all. They limit them selves to what they see on tv and what goes on around them. Since everyone is so intent on giving there opinions. So your parents instilled good values into you, what about my parents? They installed good ones into us, but out of the three, Im the only one succeeding. Im not saying because I didnt have a picket fence, that it means my parents did not install go values into us. Yes! I have been in trouble with the law, was never in that top 50% of my class and I even been suspended from school on accounts. I never stole, or been disrespectable though. Believe me, I worked hard to get to where I am at now. I rose above what everyone thought I would be, which is pretty much nothing. I always been told it takes a village to raise a child. If that's the case, then if I live in a negative enviroment almost all my life, your thinking might also turn to these negative way's. I never had anyone else, but my mom to encourage me to do better and push me forward. Believe you me, I have seen rock bottom and that's where most of my African American friends are. They either have babies and are not trying to do anything with themselves or their dead. It's not impossiable to rise up against the odds and do better, im a prime example and so are many others. Maybe I'll record my daily life and put it on you tube or something. This would also make a great debate for my club, lol

[kunitokotachi]

Originally Posted by Kal3ido

I plan on either adopting an Japanese child or going to an sprem bank. Since Im going to be the only parent and my hertiage is African American, I wonder how I would go about teaching the child about it's other half. I want both cultures to be in there lives and I admire the way Japanese parents raise there children. There values are much better in Japan then they are in the States.

What exactly do you mean the the values in Japan are better than they are in the States? I think it is a common misconception for people to believe that bowing ones head occassionally and using 尊敬語 (honorific speech) equates to a more formal and polite culture. This is not necessarily the case; it is just a cultural difference. In order for you to fully understand Japanese culture you will have to immerse yourself for many years; even then you may not fully understand it. This isn't something one can understand by reading a book or watching a video. If your child will be half then there are a lot of issue that child is going to go through from early childhood ages through their adolescent stage. I would know because I'm half Japanese and Black. I'm not trying to be mean but I don't think you will be able to effectively teach that child about its other half. You could always try and enroll the child in a Japanese school at some point but that would be cruel if the child is already Americanized. Anyway Japan dates back to approximately 8000 B.C. so there is a lot of culture and history to learn.

[kunitokotachi]

Originally Posted by Kal3ido

Im not implying that evey single African American has bad values. And other race's don't have any either. I lived in a couple different places in NYC and(going of my personal experiences) 80% of the black kids have bad values or none at all. They limit them selves to what they see on tv and what goes on around them.

There are also a lot of Japanese that also limit themselves to what they see on tv and around them. In fact, the hiphop culture is something that reaches the Japanese and seems to make them stupid as well. I was an an "event" (some place where amateur music artists perform) at this bar in Nara prefecture and I met this group of Japanese guys. When I first saw these guys I thought that they were hard-core Crips (Predominantly Black gang that wears blue clothing but also now includes many other Crip gangs with other nationalities including Japanese Americans) They had blue from there shoes all the way up to their head. They even had on blue LA Dodgers hats and wearing even wearing the Locs sunglasses. Some had blue bandannas around their head and some had it around their necks like gangbangers. I went to ask them in English if they were from Los Angeles and they couldn't understand what I was saying. So, I began talking to them in Japanese. They didn't end up being from America but they sure knew a lot about hiphop and their hero was Snoop Dogg. I remember they kept saying muther fucker this and that all night long. The most shocking part was when one of them got pissed off at their girlfriend and said "BITCH!!!" right before he slapped the hell out of her. I was astonished.

[Retrogamer77]

Originally Posted by Kal3ido

Im not implying that evey single African American has bad values. And other race's don't have any either. I lived in a couple different places in NYC and(going of my personal experiences) 80% of the black kids have bad values or none at all. They limit them selves to what they see on tv and what goes on around them. Since everyone is so intent on giving there opinions. So your parents instilled good values into you, what about my parents? They installed good ones into us, but out of the three, Im the only one succeeding. Im not saying because I didnt have a picket fence, that it means my parents did not install go values into us. Yes! I have been in trouble with the law, was never in that top 50% of my class and I even been suspended from school on accounts. I never stole, or been disrespectable though. Believe me, I worked hard to get to where I am at now. I rose above what everyone thought I would be, which is pretty much nothing. I always been told it takes a village to raise a child. If that's the case, then if I live in a negative enviroment almost all my life, your thinking might also turn to these negative way's. I never had anyone else, but my mom to encourage me to do better and push me forward. Believe you me, I have seen rock bottom and that's where most of my African American friends are. They either have babies and are not trying to do anything with themselves or their dead. It's not impossiable to rise up against the odds and do better, im a prime example and so are many others. Maybe I'll record my daily life and put it on you tube or something. This would also make a great debate for my club, lol

You can't even say that 80% of African Americans in NYC have bad values and you sure as hell can't blame it on the media. People limiting themselves to what they see on t.v., again, is something that happens in every race. I feel sorry that you let what you 'percieve' the majority of the African American culture stands for roll over in your decisions for having a child. It makes me sad. A lot of people have seen rock bottom and they know that they'll probably stay there, but they deal with it the best they can. Black, White, Hispanic, European, Asian, African, it doesn't matter dammit. You instill in your child what you think is right. And what the hell says that if you raise your child 'Japanese' that it won't turn out to be a delinquent. You. Don't. Know. Don't use 'culture' as an excuse for wanting to live through your child. There is a difference in wanting your child to have a better life than you had and wanting your child to live the life you didn't have. Do not try to live your life through your child. And yes we are giving our opinions, you asked for them.

But, the fact of the matter is that you probably won't be able to adopt a Japanese child because, as many others have already said:

-They don't NEED to be adopted in dire way that children in other countries do.
-You are American. Priority will go to Japanese parents
-You are planning to be a single parent. (Should you still decide that) Before you start talking about adoption, you should know that in ANY country they are wary about giving children to single parents. Why rob a child the chance of having a mother and a father just because, in your case, you want 'a child whose culture has good values...'
-You are black. Yes, I'm sure technically this should have no influence on anything because people aren't supposed to be racist and blah blah blah. In reality, I believe it will have somewhat of an influence on whether or not they would decide to hand you a child.

Point blank: You need to rethink this.