Girlfriend Trouble

[pumpum]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I have a problem. My Japanese girlfriend keeps threatening to leave me if I don't save more money. She is 35 and lives with her parents. I am 37. She is a permanent company employee and I am a temporary worker. I try to defend myself by saying I have more expenses to pay and that as a foreigner it is very difficult to find a permanent position in Japan. She says she cannot see a future with someone with little savings and an unstable job. I should add that I used a large part of my savings on graduate school and have not been able to replace them yet with a well paid position. My girlfriend only attended two year college and has never left home. She often stays at my place and does buy household items and food occasionally. She also pays for herself when we go out. She also says that basically she believes a man should support his wife after marriage. I feel it is unlikely that I can have a modern 50/50 style marriage with this person. She has also mentioned that she is better at managing money than I am, despite the fact that she hands over all her paycheck to her mum and is given spending money that can be refreshed if necessary. She said she doesn't even know how much money she has in the bank! She is good with money and I know it is not so strange to live at home until marriage in Japan, but really! It's hard to take criticism from a women that is not yet living in the real world. What do you guys think?

dude DUMP HER ASS !!

[OliveJuice]

If one person wants a more old school relationship but the other wants a more modern relationship; that's a recipe for calamity lol. Neither party will be getting what they want out of the relationship. That's never healthy.

[ThirdSight]

Originally Posted by MMM

No permanent position, no marriage. You could be let go and sent home any minute.

She is 35 and is looking for stability...and you aren't bringing it.

This.

Though in your defense, she's 35 and still dependant. A tad odd I'd say.

Despite being a foreigner, I find it hard to believe that there's no way for you to ground yourself over there, short of changing your citizenship.

[Niknaizorai]

I think you should come back home because you are 37 yrs old and job market will get increasingly difficult for you because of your age. You should start thinking about opening your own business and going on your own. You can stay in Japan and learn Japanese fluently so it becomes an asset on your way back home. What did you study in college?

A job that doesnt allow you to save money, its not a job. Dont get fooled. In the US, I would say that 40% of the jobs are like that. These are modern disposable jobs. Jobs that come and go. Good jobs take time to come and competition is tough to get these jobs.

You must think about how to save money. Find out a way. No savings means no progress. I am not talking only in Japan but also in the US.

Relationships are more than love. Love will not last long if your financial situation is not stable.

It is up to her to hold you or dump you. She is in a stronger position. So, enjoy her company while she is willing to hold you and expect her to dump you any minute. Face the situation like an adult, you are just learning to deal with these situations and learning what it takes. Take it easy. You are not ready yet and it is not your fault. Its life.

Once you get a real job, getting a girfriend is just a piece of cake.

You passed the romantic phase and now you are getting into the practical phase. Probably, you have dated her for a year or so...right?

Keep your head up, you are a United States citizen!!

[pumpum]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

Wait! dont be hasty.. let him post a picture so we can make an informed decision.

LOL dude u posess a great wisdom !

[sdbri]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I have a problem. My Japanese girlfriend keeps threatening to leave me if I don't save more money. She is 35 and lives with her parents. I am 37. She is a permanent company employee and I am a temporary worker. I try to defend myself by saying I have more expenses to pay and that as a foreigner it is very difficult to find a permanent position in Japan. She says she cannot see a future with someone with little savings and an unstable job. I should add that I used a large part of my savings on graduate school and have not been able to replace them yet with a well paid position. My girlfriend only attended two year college and has never left home. She often stays at my place and does buy household items and food occasionally. She also pays for herself when we go out. She also says that basically she believes a man should support his wife after marriage. I feel it is unlikely that I can have a modern 50/50 style marriage with this person. She has also mentioned that she is better at managing money than I am, despite the fact that she hands over all her paycheck to her mum and is given spending money that can be refreshed if necessary. She said she doesn't even know how much money she has in the bank! She is good with money and I know it is not so strange to live at home until marriage in Japan, but really! It's hard to take criticism from a women that is not yet living in the real world. What do you guys think?

My wife has friends like this, and the bottom line she's made it clear what she needs and you're going to have to accept it or be prepared to move on. Every person has different values, and these are hers. Hypocrisy and irony are irrelevant here.

Look at it from her perspective. She's 35 and is open to settling down if she finds a guy that can provide a stable life. You've been dating a while, and if you're not that guy both of you need to move on because time's ticking. It's for your good too!

[Jizzeez]

Thanks for your comments guys, it's great to hear your views. Well, she dumped me. She told me she was totally frustrated and disasatisfied at not being able to go on foreign holidays with me and also felt unstable about the future as I wasn't saving enough money. I took an extra job to help with all the things I have to cover each month but told her it was still going to be difficult to save and do trips. Because of the recession it's getting really tough out here but discussing these things was falling on deaf ears. Oh well, it was a good lesson. It made me realize that you shouldn't really start a relationship until you are financially secure and also to avoid those thirty-something Japanese girls that live at home, look great but are looking for someone to pay the bills rather than a real partnership. No bitterness, a lesson learnt!

[Compaqmac321]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

Thanks for your comments guys, it's great to hear your views. Well, she dumped me. She told me she was totally frustrated and disasatisfied at not being able to go on foreign holidays with me and also felt unstable about the future as I wasn't saving enough money. I took an extra job to help with all the things I have to cover each month but told her it was still going to be difficult to save and do trips. Because of the recession it's getting really tough out here but discussing these things was falling on deaf ears. Oh well, it was a good lesson. It made me realize that you shouldn't really start a relationship until you are financially secure and also to avoid those thirty-something Japanese girls that live at home, look great but are looking for someone to pay the bills rather than a real partnership. No bitterness, a lesson learnt!

every relationship that ends teaches you a lesson bruh
now u know
get them funds up my man,and try it again. she wont be the last woman, there are PLENTY. get yourself settled first.

[spicytuna]

Thanks for the update.

You have to watch out for those mid-30 girls who live at home... otherwise known as parasite singles. Some of them are grasping at straws in a desperate attempt to reach financial stability before they become 売れ残り.

I attended a 婚活 last year (long story) and although there was tons of eye candy to drool over, almost all of the girls I met were living at home. I knew that the concept of people in their mid-30's living at home isn't exactly eye-raising as it is in N.America but that's where I drew the line. Some of the girls were close to 40 and had never lived outside of their home.

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I have a problem. My Japanese girlfriend keeps threatening to leave me if I don't save more money. She is 35 and lives with her parents. I am 37. She is a permanent company employee and I am a temporary worker. I try to defend myself by saying I have more expenses to pay and that as a foreigner it is very difficult to find a permanent position in Japan. She says she cannot see a future with someone with little savings and an unstable job. I should add that I used a large part of my savings on graduate school and have not been able to replace them yet with a well paid position. My girlfriend only attended two year college and has never left home. She often stays at my place and does buy household items and food occasionally. She also pays for herself when we go out. She also says that basically she believes a man should support his wife after marriage. I feel it is unlikely that I can have a modern 50/50 style marriage with this person. She has also mentioned that she is better at managing money than I am, despite the fact that she hands over all her paycheck to her mum and is given spending money that can be refreshed if necessary. She said she doesn't even know how much money she has in the bank! She is good with money and I know it is not so strange to live at home until marriage in Japan, but really! It's hard to take criticism from a women that is not yet living in the real world. What do you guys think?

TIME TO PULL OUT!

DO NOT WAIT!

She is a controller!