Girlfriend Trouble

[Jizzeez]

Yeah, it is so hard to stomach criticism and demands from these women, especially as a foriegner trying to make it in Japan. My ex was actually divorced and had gone back to her parents' house. She initiated the divorce. She told me that after that she hoped to travel and do lots of fun things but couldn't as I didn't have enough money. I actually asked her to move in with me but she said that she couldn't do that until we were serious about marriage. She couldn't tell her mother she was serious about marriage with a guy who had no stability. Anyway, I let the living together thing drop until she had a big fight with her mother about her brother's money problems (her mother was paying off his debts for him), and now wanted to leave home. She looked at a couple of places and did the math, then realized there was now way she could afford it. She then asked me if she could move in with me. I was less than enthusiastic but wanted to help her out. Finally she patched things up at home and never mentioned living together again. In the end she dumped me because after constantly complaining about me not treating her to holidays or expensive restaurants. I reminded her that she had actually gone abroad last year on a shopping trip to Hong Kong with her friends. I had just been told that my contract would not be extended and was job hunting at the time so it woudn't have been too sensible to go. I mentioned that if the situation had been reversed I probably would have offered to pay for her but she had not even thought it insensitive to go shopping abroad. I also recall how at the time she proudly showed me her pay slip with summer bonus. I'm a tempstaff worker who gets no bonus.
I can't really imagine what happens to these kind of women. They are hardly a catch (divorced and over 35) have expensive tastes and are often pretty much controlled by their parents. She lied every weekend to stay over as she couldn't possibly tell her parents she was staying with me. She wasn't that good looking but had great hair, reasonable figure (tennis lessons nearby) and loads of nice clothes, jewellery, bags and shoes. I suppose an older sugar daddy would think her young and be happy to treat her but most 30-40 year old guys would probably find her really demanding and spoilt. Anyway, Japan has produced this situation with its gender inequality (they have no choice but to find rich husbands or live at home) so I guess the birthrate says it all. The catch is, even if they do hook a rich guy, he's out working or seeing other women, then too tired to have sex when he gets home. Man, this country is in trouble....

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

Yeah, it is so hard to stomach criticism and demands from these women, especially as a foriegner trying to make it in Japan. My ex was actually divorced and had gone back to her parents' house. She initiated the divorce. She told me that after that she hoped to travel and do lots of fun things but couldn't as I didn't have enough money. I actually asked her to move in with me but she said that she couldn't do that until we were serious about marriage. She couldn't tell her mother she was serious about marriage with a guy who had no stability. Anyway, I let the living together thing drop until she had a big fight with her mother about her brother's money problems (her mother was paying off his debts for him), and now wanted to leave home. She looked at a couple of places and did the math, then realized there was now way she could afford it. She then asked me if she could move in with me. I was less than enthusiastic but wanted to help her out. Finally she patched things up at home and never mentioned living together again. In the end she dumped me because after constantly complaining about me not treating her to holidays or expensive restaurants. I reminded her that she had actually gone abroad last year on a shopping trip to Hong Kong with her friends. I had just been told that my contract would not be extended and was job hunting at the time so it woudn't have been too sensible to go. I mentioned that if the situation had been reversed I probably would have offered to pay for her but she had not even thought it insensitive to go shopping abroad. I also recall how at the time she proudly showed me her pay slip with summer bonus. I'm a tempstaff worker who gets no bonus.
I can't really imagine what happens to these kind of women. They are hardly a catch (divorced and over 35) have expensive tastes and are often pretty much controlled by their parents. She lied every weekend to stay over as she couldn't possibly tell her parents she was staying with me. She wasn't that good looking but had great hair, reasonable figure (tennis lessons nearby) and loads of nice clothes, jewellery, bags and shoes. I suppose an older sugar daddy would think her young and be happy to treat her but most 30-40 year old guys would probably find her really demanding and spoilt. Anyway, Japan has produced this situation with its gender inequality (they have no choice but to find rich husbands or live at home) so I guess the birthrate says it all. The catch is, even if they do hook a rich guy, he's out working or seeing other women, then too tired to have sex when he gets home. Man, this country is in trouble....

GET OUT FAST!

[SaintKat]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet OP. I'm sure once you've sorted out your own life you'll find a lady who's better suited to your personality and lifestyle.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

Anyway, Japan has produced this situation with its gender inequality (they have no choice but to find rich husbands or live at home) so I guess the birthrate says it all. The catch is, even if they do hook a rich guy, he's out working or seeing other women, then too tired to have sex when he gets home. Man, this country is in trouble....

Actually more and more women are making money and living on their own. The reason the birthrate has dropped is because people are waiting longer to get married, and having a child is an expensive proposition that fewer can afford when the economy is on a downswing.

I think you are really oversimplifying the issues.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by MMM

Actually more and more women are making money and living on their own. The reason the birthrate has dropped is because people are waiting longer to get married, and having a child is an expensive proposition that fewer can afford when the economy is on a downswing.

I think you are really oversimplifying the issues.

I did a little internal facepalm when I read that, as well.

My girlfriend moved out of her parent's house when she was 20, and has been working as a secretary, paying her own way through life ever since.

But I can't touch on the children thing, I don't have any children. That I know of.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by bELyVIS

At 35 years old, she is not considered a catch in Japan, there is a reason she has not married before

Going as far as saying there is something wrong with her, being the reason she's never been married is completely inappropriate, there could be tens of millions of reasons why she's never married, Japanese citizen or not.
*facepalmed*

Originally Posted by Niknaizorai

Relationships are more than love. Love will not last long if your financial situation is not stable.

It is up to her to hold you or dump you.

Once you get a real job, getting a girfriend is just a piece of cake.

You passed the romantic phase and now you are getting into the practical phase. Probably, you have dated her for a year or so...right?

Keep your head up, you are a United States citizen!!

I just need to get something off my chest.
You... are a genuine idiot.

Every sentence in you're entire post, especially these, made me facepalm beyond recognition.

Needless to say, you have never been in love. And with this kind of Bull Crap floating around in your head, you never will be. But.... I got a chuckle out of this, and for that, I thank you.

Gahh...lemme just quote it again....

Originally Posted by Niknaizorai

Relationships are more than love. Love will not last long if your financial situation is not stable.

LOLOLLOLOOOLLOLOLOLOLOLL!!!!!!!!!!111111oneoneoneoneleven

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I have a problem. My Japanese girlfriend keeps threatening to leave me if I don't save more money.

That is a threat and is paramount to domestic violence.

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I try to defend myself by saying I have more expenses to pay and that as a foreigner it is very difficult to find a permanent position in Japan.

You don't need to "defend" yourself, it is not a "war".

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

She says she cannot see a future with someone with little savings and an unstable job.

I can agree with her somewhat, although that depends on your personality and who you really are and what you are wanting out of the relationship.

Are you using her money?

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I should add that I used a large part of my savings on graduate school and have not been able to replace them yet with a well paid position.

She doesn't care!

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

She often stays at my place and does buy household items and food occasionally.

That's normal.

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

She also pays for herself when we go out.

That's good if you can't afford it, but maybe she wanst a different connection.

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

She also says that basically she believes a man should support his wife after marriage.

Nothing wrong with that as I also believe a wife could (not should) support her husband after marriage.
She must be old fashioned, although at 35, she will meet that criteria in Japan.

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I feel it is unlikely that I can have a modern 50/50 style marriage with this person.

I am also feeling that from what you are saying, and the early days appear to display many serious barriers of not being able to share.
Trust just seems to be lacking which will only linger now they have set.

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

She has also mentioned that she is better at managing money than I am, despite the fact that she hands over all her paycheck to her mum and is given spending money that can be refreshed if necessary.

I can't see anything wrong if she can manage money better than you, true or not, but is that the REAL problem here? Is she supporting her mum financially or is she simply not able to manage her funds?

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

She said she doesn't even know how much money she has in the bank!

That tells us something!

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

She is good with money and I know it is not so strange to live at home until marriage in Japan, but really!

Sounds like a contradiction.

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

It's hard to take criticism from a women that is not yet living in the real world.

That comment will spell disaster in your relationship both out loud or a silent feeling.

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

What do you guys think?

Choice 1:
I already expressed my thought's fairly blatantly, but they were certainly honest.
The time is right to end the relationship, their are to many barriers and bad feelings up and running, and it will get worse, as much I would not want it to for you. It seems you are not at all understanding her and she same about you. You are not seeing eye to eye with anything.

Sometimes in relationships, couples cannot see eye to eye, you of course have the added attraction of culture between you two, this will only add to the pressure, my feeling is, it will not work, don't let it linger and hope the problem will dissapear as it seems that it will explode.

Choice 2:
Listen to her opinions without jumping the gun. You need to listen to her more than she listens to you. You need to Get a job and fast with a regular income so she feels more secure with you. You need to let her be the accountant and banker, and you need to be on the receiving end constantly when things go wrong and prove that you can agree and understand her.

I can't see anything wrong with number two, but of course you are two and you are different.

if you are not the type to accept what she wants and is doing, it will never work. We know from what you have said that she is certainly not udnerstanding you, although she has clearer reasons, and this appears to be focussed on money, although it could also be a confidence situation.

Neither of you are "wrong or right", it's just a difference scenario.

Gd luck in whichever direction you head.

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[Debi]

Originally Posted by Jizzeez

I have a problem. My Japanese girlfriend keeps threatening to leave me if I don't save more money. She is 35 and lives with her parents. I am 37. She is a permanent company employee and I am a temporary worker. I try to defend myself by saying I have more expenses to pay and that as a foreigner it is very difficult to find a permanent position in Japan. She says she cannot see a future with someone with little savings and an unstable job. I should add that I used a large part of my savings on graduate school and have not been able to replace them yet with a well paid position. My girlfriend only attended two year college and has never left home. She often stays at my place and does buy household items and food occasionally. She also pays for herself when we go out. She also says that basically she believes a man should support his wife after marriage. I feel it is unlikely that I can have a modern 50/50 style marriage with this person. She has also mentioned that she is better at managing money than I am, despite the fact that she hands over all her paycheck to her mum and is given spending money that can be refreshed if necessary. She said she doesn't even know how much money she has in the bank! She is good with money and I know it is not so strange to live at home until marriage in Japan, but really! It's hard to take criticism from a women that is not yet living in the real world. What do you guys think?

HAHAHA !

You label your own girlfriend. What a sham.

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by Debi

HAHAHA !

You label your own girlfriend. What a sham.

......