I so need to stop myself from replying, but...

I have been in Japan for a very long time. My entire adult life has been spent in the country. I speak Japanese fluently. I went to school in Japan (high school and university). My husband is Japanese.

If there is someone here living in a dream world, I do not think it is me. But hey, what do I know about Japan, eh? :vsign:

Anyway though - this is the LAST I want to hear from you, Bobby. Insulting a mod directly is pushing it pretty hard.

--------------

Back on topic;
I think the important part is that they were foreign friends. There is an understanding that the house isn`t necessarily going to be spotless, and that you will understand if theirs isn`t.
As for getting a cleaner - well, you would still need a bit of warning to call one, I presume. :)

I think that the best comparison would be more like having a friend stop by suddenly out of the blue when you have just gotten over an illness and have left everything a total mess (not just cluttered, but dishes in the sink, etc) AND you`ve just gotten out of the bath and are walking around in your worst torn and stained pajamas... And them just kind of pushing their way in. (And their house is always spotless on top of that!)

With close friends, I don`t think it`s an issue. But it is one of the closest expressions of friendship - you just don`t let people in without planning it unless they are very close.

I don't wear a shirt at home... maybe just shorts... usually anyways.
When my friends visited me in Canada, the only preparation I'd do was ... well... hide the "toys" and put on an undershirt if it was one of the girls visiting, or just stay shirtless if it was one of the guys

What I mean is that having to prepare for a visit is a difference.
I can understand that being a burden, if it were the case. :)

regarding the quality of friendships,
I've had Japanese friends in Canada who, like you said, felt they were close friends with everyone including myself too quickly, like the steps were skipped. To me they weren't close friends, just usual friends.
What i mean is that the things which close friends do in Japan, usual friends do in Canada. The things close friends do in Canada, perhaps only the closest of close friends do in Japan, a connection which many may not ever experience.

The details might just be semantics, but I just mean to generalize that Japanese people tend to spend a lot more of their life alone, or with their spouse/girlfriend or family, than with friends.
Friend-time in the west is a much more significant portion of a person's life, and thinking-time, and priorities.
Do you agree?

Nice how you just ignored the basic crime rate fact.. keep going..

OMG dude.. you are talking to a woman who has spent most of her adult life in Japan, and is married to a Japanese man... you are the one who needs to wake up from your dream world.

And btw way.. no.. the majority of crimes committed in Japan are done by Japanese people.. but you are so delusional there is no point in presenting you with easy to obtain facts.

eat shit and die

I know her thats why I said it like that.

A very, very high precentage is done by foreigners. And the point of this statement was, that the incredible low crime it in a country of 120Mil people should show you how superior these people are towards us..

Oh and hey bobby even if you go with the whole crime rate BS route... the majority of those foreigners committing crimes are your precious Asian Chinese, and Korean people... how does that fit in with your retarded manifesto?

I gave the warning. Bobby, you chose to ignore it and continue.

Do not say you were not warned.

As Bobby will be unable to reply for a while, please return to the actual subject at hand.

What subject?

d=(^o^)=b
thank you!

Source please....

Aside from crap that happen around the army base in Okinawa, most notorious and serious crime in Japan are committed by Japanese. As I said do asearcg on those cases and you will see

You know what else? The there are lots of lovely Chinese and Korean immigrants doing all kind of illegal activities in Japan (and other parts of the world)

duke nukem? :cool:

i wanted to ask about using a phone. since my information tells me that using one on a train or a bus is prohibited. so does this goes along with privacy so others don't over-hear you or so you don't disturb them, or is it just so guys can't take photos of schoolgirl underpants?

you know, their are people who can be left to die because nobody bothered to call and see if they were alright.

It happens here a LOT---------If nobody cares about neighbours or good friends then what use are they?

Never to call in case their house is untidy. Good friends Actually help and do shopping and clean if needed and help look after their friend or neighbour. If one NEVER dare intrude even though they are worried- someone could be left in a bad way-- and even die.

When our friend had a cold we did some shopping for her, bought fruit etc and left it at the house.

That's right you are not meant to have conversations on a phone on public transport. Texting is fine. I don't think it's about privacy. More about courtesy to others. I wish they had the same courtesy here in Aus.

Anything that didn`t have to do with Bobby and what he said.

Prohibited?
They have made it so that the phones work even in the subways, and there are designated phone call areas on the shinkansen.

People just don`t *talk* on their phones in public. You VERY rarely encounter someone talking on their phone loud enough to be overheard, and even more rarely to the point where it is disturbing. (I think I can count the number of times I`ve seen someone obnoxiously loud on one hand.)
People usually just play games, check stuff online, and send mail. There are signs asking you not to talk on the phone, but using the phone is fine.

ETA; I suppose use on public transportation might be prohibited - to me "use" includes things other that just talking.

There is a significant difference between not attempting to contact someone, and just not dropping in out of the blue. I don`t know the situation with your friend, so I will not try to comment on why she has done what she has. It may have absolutely nothing to do with culture - there are countless reasons a person might become depressed or want to distance themselves from life for a bit.

It is perfectly fine in Japan to be concerned about friends. It is perfectly fine to call them up and check on them. People just don`t go over to visit out of the blue under normal circumstances. If there is some reason to think that something is wrong, then the situation is completely different. I don`t think that anyone would be upset about a visit from a friend who was honestly worried and had no other way to contact them (unless they were fine and that friend insisted upon coming in and "visiting".)

The key point is "if needed". If you are having a few bad days, would you want a friend to just show up and start "helping"? I most certainly wouldn`t even want my closest family to do so without an okay from me.

I don`t think that anyone meant people should NEVER intrude - but rather that people just don`t show up to visit without contacting the person first. If there is reason to worry, things are different.

All those things are still okay, just with a call first and like "I bought some stuff for you and I'd like to drop it off, when's a good time to pass by?" and then not enter the house unless sincerely invited in.

If the phones kept ringing with no answer, contacting a family member to express concern would be the next step, a good friend would have family's contact info or a way to get it.

While other continue to DEBATE (again, not arguing) on other subjects, please have a look at these 2 link

Akihabara massacre - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Murder of Junko Furuta - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

and finally this link:

List of major crimes in Japan - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The serious ones are not just serious in nature, most of them point to a fetish or some psychological problems as the root cause, the are gruesome, cruel and nasty in nature with a sick motive.

This is not to discourage anyone from loving japan. I still do, I love it dearly..... well, not going to explain myself further, those with senses know what i am trying to do....

I think that, if it's what you mean, and I assume it is, it's a good think to clarify that a "visit" means knocking on the door but not stepping in unless sincerely invited in.

That kind of visit, I imagine, would go along the lines of; knock, oh thank god you're okay I was worried about you, I'm sorry I disturbed you I should get going, no there's no need for me to come in, I'm just glad you're okay, you had me worried! Let's see each other soon.

looking at that last link, I am quite surprised at how low the number of deaths are, it seems like 6 o'clock news material in the states

except the Super Free rapes... that's sickening

Now I can understand what is meant in every tourism book about Japan when dealing with social interactions. If you are ever invited to someone's home, consider it a great honor. I do understand that in order for them to invite you, they would plan this in advance and such. But still, it's the opportunity to see an aspect of life not too many people get a glimpse of.

Quite an entertaining and informative discussion.

something else to throw into the mix,
I used to be a private English teacher, doing lessons at like starbucks and other cafes, often times after a dozen lessons or so, after the student gets to know me better, if their house is a relatively more convenient place to have a lesson, we changed to their place, always the same time each week. The guys didn't tidy much before hand, the girls always had impeccably perfect houses, spotless.

each time it happened I was surprised, and then realized that because of the professional aspect of it, it was okay (yes even with young cute girls, even more shocking is the level of trust in this country)

Some f them are crazy. Which one was that? Is that the university rape club thing?

I guess we'd all like for it to be this way, meaning we are all decent people with no "other agendas".

yeah the Super Free one... crazy shit

I had the agenda of getting 3500￥ from them lol!
At the time I was somewhat poor too... so I was REALLY hoping they wouldn't try to turn a lesson, which I would get paid for, into something I would never accept money for ><

:eek:

James, shame on you!!! :D

So, I should really feel honored that I am allowed to stay with my best friends family for the three weeks I am there?

^^ I think I was rude without realizing it, when I asked him to ask his mother if she knew if I could stay or not...Oops. I really owe a nice gift and big apology.

you owe a nice gift anyways,
and you should apologize profusely anyways, that's just expected

apologizing all the time for the strangest things is good manners in Japan ;)

Well I knew that...and I also have always done it...for a different reason.

I knew I owe a nice gift, but knowing this, I owe even nicer. LOL I am intruding on a family of 5, with one disabled son for three weeks. I hope Nyororin and others wont think I am more stupid now. LOL

Actually having a foreign guest is really nice for them.

Being a good host, or just hosting, or providing a service, is a respectful position, and you are allowing them to exercise that position. Of course being a good guest makes it all the more worthwhile for them. :)

about the sorry's, I still get thrown off sometimes for the things which get apologized for haha

You would get thrown off for me. I apologize even when giving compliments.

I hope I do well. I have known their oldest son for a long time. (If anyone remembers my first post 4 years ago, he was the first boyfriend I had that was going back to Japan. xD)

I wonder what kind of gift would be appropriate though. I heard food specialty, and books are nice, but in my town, we are known for tri-tip, and thats...mainly it. (We grow pistachios and the county holds the raisin capital of the world, it claims, though.)

I have 33 days until I leave, and as it gets closer I get more stressed about what to get. I do want to make a good impression.

There have been pages of responses I haven't read yet, so please excuse if I am repeating something someone has already said.

I would say without question there is no basis in fact for the above sentence. I agree with a lot you say, RealJames, but I think it is viciously short-sighted to say Japanese do not have close or deep relationships like North Americans do.

YOU may not have deep relationships with Japanese people, but that doesn't mean Japanese people do not have such relationships with each other.

I am surprised you made this statement, really.

i gave a fishing lure from canada to my gfs father ... he was pretty stoked about that...
figure out what hobies they are into and find something american which isn't sold in japan

I have been trying, but as I get little chance, and my friend keeps telling me /anything will do/

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah

I'm kind of surprised too when i see it quoted in your post,
i said it based on my observations of my gf, her brother, and a few other people's friendship dynamics and the role those friendships play in their lives

they certainly have deep and strong friendships, just fewer, with less frequent visits and at a lower relative priority to other parts of life,

my friendships aren't that bad actually but it took some training lol,
just my observations of other peoples friendships though

I think it is less cultural and more of a generational thing. For example, on Facebook people over the age of thirty average 200 "friends", but those under 25 average 1000+ "friends". Friendship means different things to different people. I saw you mentioned something about having 250 actual friends at home (I may be mistaken). I cannot imagine trying to manage or feel connected to that many actual people.

If you were to quantify my relationships you would see a lot of superficial ones, a fair amount of actual friends and a small number of truly close relationships. I can't really imagine having more close relationships than fingers.

if you believe this then actual friends during time in school is 17. after 40 it is down to 2 true friends.
YouTube - &#x202a;NGC - Think Again video 2008&#x202c;&rlm;

I have a question, how frequent is that fascination with foreigner people ( westerners)?, also does this apply only to Caucasians? I hope it does, If I ever went to japan, I would feel awkward for having other people's attention...

How much time, does it usually take for a foreigner, to blend into a Japanese context?

I do not want to live there, (god no, it sounds like a hell covered with cherry blossoms), however having vacations there at some point of my life, would be nice.

Are you asking about in 1981 or in 2011, as you will get different answers.

My friend lives in one room in her landlady's home. Other students also live there. Her landlady had told me to call any time.

Anyway its all in the past now so thats that. If you can't phone what are yousupposed to do?

It fascinates me you find the wishes and opinions of her landlady as any reflections of your friend's own wishes.