in love with a taken japanese girl..

[ZedKnightly]

Originally Posted by MissMisa

If she's taken you should just leave her alone. It's not just about you and her, imagine if you finally got with her, and some guy decided to waltz in and take her away from you? You don't know this guy, he hasn't done anything to you to begin to justify you doing that at all, right?
Just my opinion there, and I'm a girl.

was wondering when someone will hit me with this. it finally came. and from a girl too.

well.. i dont really know how i can defend myself on this matter.
i am out of options im afraid. i cant even be a friend to her. either ill confess and see from there, or not have her in my life at all. and i really dont want the latter.

i say i cant befriend her because its hard to talk to a girl here and just be friends. i dont know, somebody said im wrong, but im not alone when i say in japan its rare when people look at a guy and a girl and see them as just friends. add the fact that were on the same company and that japanese have a huge barrier between work life and social life, i cant really approach her as a friend in any way. ive tried it, when i first got to the company. but it just seemed like she was talkng to me jst cause we work together. no "were friends for real" feelings, no sharing of personal stuffs etc.

so for me in order to be close to her.. im afraid this is my only option left.

if me being called a bad/mean person for trying this out then i guess ill accept it. its not the first time ill be called that. i just dont want to regret to not try to go for someone i feel im beggining to love. if she rejects me then ill accept that wholeheartedly. hows that for a promise..?

ill nvr ask her to break up wth her current bf. nor will i ever demand anything from her.
it may sound corny. but i just want her to let me be close to her, and if possibly, love her.

[MissMisa]

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly

was wondering when someone will hit me with this. it finally came. and from a girl too.

well.. i dont really know how i can defend myself on this matter.
i am out of options im afraid. i cant even be a friend to her. either ill confess and see from there, or not have her in my life at all. and i really dont want the latter.

i say i cant befriend her because its hard to talk to a girl here and just be friends. i dont know, somebody said im wrong, but im not alone when i say in japan its rare when people look at a guy and a girl and see them as just friends. add the fact that were on the same company and that japanese have a huge barrier between work life and social life, i cant really approach her as a friend in any way. ive tried it, when i first got to the company. but it just seemed like she was talkng to me jst cause we work together. no "were friends for real" feelings, no sharing of personal stuffs etc.

so for me in order to be close to her.. im afraid this is my only option left.

if me being called a bad/mean person for trying this out then i guess ill accept it. its not the first time ill be called that. i just dont want to regret to not try to go for someone i feel im beggining to love. if she rejects me then ill accept that wholeheartedly. hows that for a promise..?

ill nvr ask her to break up wth her current bf. nor will i ever demand anything from her.
it may sound corny. but i just want her to let me be close to her, and if possibly, love her.

Well to be honest, as well as putting her in an extremely difficult situation you are also punishing yourself.

I can speak from experience here. I had a boyfriend and someone told me they loved me while I was going out with him. It put me in a very difficult situation and it was extremely awkward to a point where I just don't see that person anymore. My boyfriend at the time was upset that someone had said that to me while I was going out with him, which caused problems, and I also felt very bad having to hurt someone that was my friend.

If you loved her as much as you say you do, you would not want to put her in such an awkward situation. You are thinking about your feelings, your need to be close to her, your need to confess. If you really loved her as much as you think you do, I think you'd be considering her feelings a lot more.

[Acidreptile]

*Pukes* .

[maks]

hi zed.

this will be my first post since over a year.....hooray for me! hi guyz!

anyway, dont be so hard on yourself. i know what you feel though. i think youve put a lot of efforts already. i think if you really like the girl...court her the filipino way.....not the japanese way....i understand that you are in japan and its different, etc etc....since its not logical to be loved by someone who has a bf, then you are just punishing yourself....stop it and move on...are you kidding me, there a lots of cute japanese girls....be brave man. filipinos are not shy......i think...hehe..

[spicytuna]

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly

she asked me if i had already decided on what gift to buy.
then she told me lots of ideas she had. she even go to the trouble of asking my girl officemates on what omiyage to buy for girls. and on her way home yesterday she stopped by a one shop, and looked at the possible gifts i can buy.
i got embarrased at all the trouble i put her through. at the same time feeling a little bit sad that i dont think she was considering going out with me together.
i know i said that clearly to her. i think...

There you go with the analyzing again.

Analyzing the thoughts of a girl is like trying to use logic to determine the next lottery numbers. It can't be done.

But either way, you're fighting a battle which isn't worth fighting. The closer you get to her (in your own mind), the harder it'll be knowing that she can never be yours while she's with her boyfriend.

Just drag her into your temp folder and work on a new project for now. The timing is great because (single) Japanese girls tend to feel a little vulnerable at this time of year.

[ZedKnightly]

Originally Posted by MissMisa

If you loved her as much as you say you do, you would not want to put her in such an awkward situation. You are thinking about your feelings, your need to be close to her, your need to confess. If you really loved her as much as you think you do, I think you'd be considering her feelings a lot more.

stings. somehow ur comments pierce my bloody heart.
although im happy that now theres a girl giving out her takes on the matter. an experienced one, too.

guess ur right. i am selfish. i was thinking about my desire. i dont want to explain why, cause id have to explain the past 3 relationships ive had in order to justify me being selfish. to make a really huge novel short, ive done decisions in the past relationships, and im talking about relationship-ending decisions, the hard ones to make, ive done those for the sake of the girls happiness. not mine. so yeah, now i am actually explaining my need to be selfish. cause this time, i want to fight for MY happiness.

although i guess im picking the wrong time and circumstance to do it.

nothing that i will ever say can be considered as correct, or can justify the actions i did and might possibly do.

we all have our takes on what love means. ill share u my own:
there are 2 kinds of love on this world. the unconditional love, and the selfish love. the love that sets you free, and the one that keeps you (tight at some point).

i guess im the selfish type.
im sorry, but ill have to play the villain part a little bit more till i bleed.

[ZedKnightly]

Originally Posted by maks

filipinos are not shy......i think...hehe..

how many filipinos do u know mate? haha. yeah, filipinos are NOT shy. no no no. were not.. im just hesitating a weetle bit, thats all. ehhe!

Originally Posted by spicytuna

There you go with the analyzing again.

Analyzing the thoughts of a girl is like trying to use logic to determine the next lottery numbers. It can't be done.

But either way, you're fighting a battle which isn't worth fighting. The closer you get to her (in your own mind), the harder it'll be knowing that she can never be yours while she's with her boyfriend.

Just drag her into your temp folder and work on a new project for now. The timing is great because (single) Japanese girls tend to feel a little vulnerable at this time of year.

nice analogy u used there..
i know. the closer i get to her, the more ill bleed. the more ill hurt.

gah...
dont u guys know how it feels when u want smething and u cant have it?
like when u are a child shopping with ur mom and then u saw a big toy on the window. mommy says u cant have it, its out of your reach. its too costly.
u end up crying right?
then u look back and say to yourself..
"if only ive robbed that store.. then id have the toy!!!"
..
...
....
ok.. wrong example.

all jokes aside,
i just want people here to know how much painful it is to want something and be told that no matter what u do that cant be yours.

nothing should be out of reach right..?
there has got to be a way. she aint married yet.
im not saying ill steal her the way bad people would, nor am i saying ill steal her the good samaritan way.. i dunno.. maybe steal her.. the... "lord please grant my wish" way..

[ThinasLWD]

I agree with MissMisa.. If she really likes her bf, just leave her and try to move on.

'There's plenty of fish in the sea'.

Though it might be hard, you should try to move on. It'll take some time to get over it, but it'll be worth it. You talked about you being the selfish type, and I don't blame you for that, i think i'm a bit like that to. And though in your past relationships you made a decision that was for the girls happiness, I don't think that, in this kind of situation, you should choose for yourself.

Like MissMisa said, if she chooses to be with you, you might be hurting a guy that hasn't done anything to you. If she rejects you, you'll feel even more sad.

Like is said before, I think it's best to move on, find someone else that fits your standards and, unlike the girl you like now, is single. Only this single fact should be enough for you to leave it. You don't know how many people you'll hurt if you choose to be selfish..

[maks]

[quote=ZedKnightly;646640]how many filipinos do u know mate? haha. yeah, filipinos are NOT shy. no no no. were not.. im just hesitating a weetle bit, thats all. ehhe!


before i answer...did you already post your pix at the facer thread?? coz i post mine there a millions years ago...lol

[ZedKnightly]

Originally Posted by ThinasLWD

I agree with MissMisa.. If she really likes her bf, just leave her and try to move on.

i know this too.. but thats exactly the point. i dont know if she really likes her bf. cause if u read the whole thread, ud see me mention that i know they have had problems and actually split up at one point. they jst got back together.

what im saying is i felt that they are not strong. so hence, my leaning on the decision to try and close to her.

another promise ill make:

once i do get close to her and finds out that shes truly happy with her bf, ill leave her alone. hows that?

thats my goal actually, now that ive thougt bout it. i want to confirm if she really does love her bf.