in love with a taken japanese girl..

[Ronin4hire]

Originally Posted by MMM

You are saying it wouldn't be chivalrous to make a move on another guy's girl. Here is my take.

Dating is the process you go through in order to find yourself and then find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Once you find that person, you get married. Once the ring is on the finger, all other courters should back off.

But until then, all bets are off. If the man the woman is with now is the right man for her, then Zed is no threat to that. BUT, if the man the woman is with ISN'T right for her, but no other man approaches her because of chivalry, then she will be stuck with someone who isn't her true match.

What if Zed and she are perfect for each other, but he never finds out because he is too afraid of stepping on a stranger's toes? If she does agree to go out with him that means she questions the relationship she is in now, and doesn't SHE have the right to explore the possibilities available to her?

I completely agree with your assessment. Pursuing a woman who is taken is nothing to be ashamed of. As long as you go about it the right way... (i.e. no means no)

I mean the best you can do is put yourself out there and the rest is her decision.

[Keaton421]

Originally Posted by MMM

You are saying it wouldn't be chivalrous to make a move on another guy's girl. Here is my take.

Dating is the process you go through in order to find yourself and then find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Once you find that person, you get married. Once the ring is on the finger, all other courters should back off.

But until then, all bets are off. If the man the woman is with now is the right man for her, then Zed is no threat to that. BUT, if the man the woman is with ISN'T right for her, but no other man approaches her because of chivalry, then she will be stuck with someone who isn't her true match.

I completely, 100% agree. We're made to compete for mates - a ring says the game's been won. And if they're 28 and together for at least a year and still not even engaged, I don't think they're that serious. If she's not that into her boyfriend, she'll move along. If her boyfriend's not ready to fight for her honor, he should be prepared to lose her. It's a fun challenge for both sides, don't you think? But if she says advances are upsetting her, it's time to quit.

Seriously guys, when was the last time you met a dateable girl that was single?

[ZedKnightly]

after writing the title of this reply i kind of felt somewhat like... err.. nevermind.

thanks for voicing out your opinion on this matter. as i read the replies i missed since yesterday,
i became confused again. but i guess thats to be expected. Shouting in the boards for help would obviously net me
a whole lot of contradicting opinions, but thats exactly what i want. i want to weigh in on different perspectives, cause believe me or not, ive lost mine. i know what is right from wrong, but i keep remembering the quote my little sister said to me.
and it goes like
"Sometimes its better to do what u feel is right, than to do what you know is right"
and although if u say criminals can say this quote as well, im kind of thinking it a lot. and as a result i dont know what exactly i should do , how i should react to this. im no newbie in a relationship. ive had a girlfriend in college, and we were going strong for 4 years straight. So im not exactly a newbie in this game.

But no matter how experience i say i am, it stills boils down to this feelings.
guess im not as battle tested as i thought i was.

As of this moment im still thinking of wether i will ask her out or not. im not thinking of confessing to her, but my asking her out will give that away anyways.. i think.

i thought i was pretty confident yesterday before i slept, but after reading posts from some of u guys, its kind of knocking senses back at me.

But u see, i dont want to regret. ive had my fair share of regrets, and i dont like it. it haunts u, FOREVER. that much i know. and i might regret not having the courage to try and at least be close to her.. so i might really try and do this.

Actually if she is serious about her relationship i can accept that. truth is for starters i just want to break the barrier and be close to her, but asking her out pretty much shatters that, and im lost.

i want to get close to her. be her friend. and like all you guys said, if shes with a jerk, ill take her.
.. thanks everyone. for reading this many posts. hehe. and my long pointless babbling.

[Asakura]

Hey don't feel bad about asking for advice, it isn't as if you spammed up the entire website .

These are good people, they'll help you out

[Aniki]

Originally Posted by MMM

But until then, all bets are off. If the man the woman is with now is the right man for her, then Zed is no threat to that. BUT, if the man the woman is with ISN'T right for her, but no other man approaches her because of chivalry, then she will be stuck with someone who isn't her true match.

What if Zed and she are perfect for each other, but he never finds out because he is too afraid of stepping on a stranger's toes? If she does agree to go out with him that means she questions the relationship she is in now, and doesn't SHE have the right to explore the possibilities available to her?

Even if two people are perfect for each other, their relationship could easily be broken when an outsider interferes, don't forget this how the art of "womanizing" (I hope this is the correct word I'm using) was invented. There are lots of guys who just won't stop until they have their hands on the "forbidden fruit". And there's nothing chivalrous in that.

In my opinion if a girl is in a serious relationship in which it is seen that she's happy, then others should back off no matter has she a ring on her finger or not.

But I can't say the same thing in ZedKnightlys situation because I don't the whole story between him, her, and her boyfriend who ever he is.

[Aniki]

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly

As of this moment im still thinking of wether i will ask her out or not. im not thinking of confessing to her, but my asking her out will give that away anyways.. i think.

This would be best thing for you to do right now. Ask her out, but don't confess.

And still, it would be better if you'd know more about her relationship with that other guy.

[ZedKnightly]

Originally Posted by Aniki

In my opinion if a girl is in a serious relationship in which it is seen that she's happy, then others should back off no matter has she a ring on her finger or not.

actually id have to disagree a little bit there. i told you guys bout my first gf, we went for 4 years. i dont know if i should be telling u all this, but when i frst found her she had a bf. and they were like romeo and juliet of our school.. that was, till i find out that he was actually manhandling her and giving her bruises. no one would believe her when she told anyone cause they seemed perfect, so i became her crying shoulder. which eventually lead to us in the end.

anyways, i respect your opinion. but my take is that if they are meant for each other then no matter who intervines, they would not falter. thats just my call, maybe im being too naive.

or maybe i need exactly your advice to knock senses back at me. hehe. i dont know.
but i dont want to regret, mate..

i hate that feeling.

[Aniki]

Originally Posted by ZedKnightly

actually id have to disagree a little bit there. i told you guys bout my first gf, we went for 4 years. i dont know if i should be telling u all this, but when i frst found her she had a bf. and they were like romeo and juliet of our school.. that was, till i find out that he was actually manhandling her and giving her bruises. no one would believe her when she told anyone cause they seemed perfect, so i became her crying shoulder. which eventually lead to us in the end.

What I meant, was if you KNOW that she is in a relationship in which she's HAPPY, then you should back off. Beating her and giving bruises isn't a part of a perfect relationship. If I knew that her boyfriend is beating her, then not only I get her away from him, but I also report him to the police, even if she'd ask not to.

[ZedKnightly]

Originally Posted by Aniki

What I meant, was if you KNOW that she is in a relationship in which she's HAPPY, then you should back off. Beating her and giving bruises isn't a part of a perfect relationship. If I knew that her boyfriend is beating her, then not only I get her away from him, but I also report him to the police, even if she'd ask not to.

oh ok. point taken.

by the way, ive had a great idea.

if you guys have been reading my posts, i said ill be coming back to philippipnes this saturday for a 2 week vacation.

What if instead of asking her out to dinner, i ask her out to help me pick/buy presents for girls...?

would that make me look like demanding, or a bother to her, who cant decide on my own..? or what?
comments would be appreciated, sooner the better cause i plan on asking her later! thanks!

[Maiken100]

Some really good advice from everyone, on almost every post. Don't think i can add much else except to emphasize that leaving things late could ruin your chances. When i say "late", what i mean is you can't predict the future and something might happen which could mean she either leaves the job or someone else asks her out and she says "yes". So don't take an age!

You have to respect her current relationship in order for her to respect you, so either be upfront about the whole thing, "tell her you'd like to take her out but don't know if she's in a relationship or not" that might save you any embarrassment if she says no, but "yes" would mean everything good!
OR just ask her out in work related way or say you need some help on something japanese related, be creative. There is always a way round!