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02-25-2007, 04:41 PM
haha thanks. I kinda know you because you were in that long sotry thingy. My friend is in it that's how I know you're name lol. But yea... more to come soon. BTW. anyone like Dane Cook? if no one know's him,i'll put some of his jokes up here... they're really good!
 Life goes on. But I'm gone. Cause I'll die without you. </3 
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02-25-2007, 04:47 PM
I've heard of him.. but my memories are pretty vague.. O.o yeah you shld..! I'm prolly gonna do the same for my favourite stand-up comedians, too ^^ great idea!
 There's no such thing as happy endings, for when you find true love, happiness is everlasting.
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02-25-2007, 04:55 PM
Quote:
 . I`m happy you enjoyed them.
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02-25-2007, 04:57 PM
Dane Cook jokes (part 1 of 2)
CAR ACCIDENT: We love car accidents in this country. We're obsessed with car accidents! I know your like me, its like 2 in the morning, it's dead quiet. Your in you're house watching tv, your in bed. All of a sudden outside at the corner you hear. SCREECH Damnit! Shit that sounded like it was going to hit. You always want it to hit. SCREECH. Come on! Nothing! Uh. Then when you finally hear the crash your psyched, its like, Screech where are my shoes? Yes, where are my shoes? Have you seen my shoes? Fuck it, i'm going out without shoes. I'm going out shoeless. Right, you come out of you're house, all you're neighbours are coming out, everyones coming out, your like waving at each other. You're psyched to see each other, come on! Lets go, you wanna go together? Come on lets go, you me and you, no no, you wait for the next group, you wait for the next group. We'll go as a team, no no you wait, you wait for the next group. Then you get out there, its no big deal, but everyone stands out there for like, 2 extra hours. Its over, no ones hurt or anything but everyone has to stay out there. Even if its hot everyone acts like its cold and shit. Hey, whats up (chilly). Just had to see what was going on. And It doesn't matter who you start talking to, I guarantee everyone is having the same exact conversation. No matter who you get into it with, all anybody is saying like back and forth is like, Yeah, yeah well no I was in my kitchen, and i heard it so i came out. You were in your living room? I was in my kitchen cleaning a dish. I heard it, I came out. What you were in you're basement? He was in his living, I was in the kitchen cleaning a dish, I was really cleaning, and I heard it so i came out. What? Shoes? No, no, Fuck shoes! Haha shoes, hahaha listen to this guy with shoes. Hahaha you, Shoes, over here. And everyone always wants to be a part of like the police, you know what I mean. We always wanna be involved, we wanna talk to the cops when ever they come to your, you know, Officer, yeah yeah, I'm sorry,yeah I just want you to know, if it helps in your investigation, I was in my kitchen, and i heard it, so I came out. I will testify in court I was cleaning a dish, I will bring the dish as exhibit A. And this guy, he was in his basement. Tell him what you told me, tell him what you told me, Thats not what he told me, he's lying, thats not what you told me. SLIP 'n' BLEED: We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you layed it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would of been fun if dad checked for rocks before he layed it down! Slip n' Bleed from the aaaaanus they shoulda called this ride. I was like watch this Ma! *slide* *scream* NOOO! *scream* Yeah... Luckily I was wearing that pad. *applause* I like that one. You don't have to. This is for me. I was a weird kid man. I had some troubles. I had some problems man. I had some PROB-LEMS. SPEAK 'N' SPELL: couldn't spell when I was a little kid, I couldn't spell. So my parents were all concerned so they went down to the uh toy store. They bought me a little red box called Speak... n' spell. You remember that? Speak n' spell? They shouldn't have called it speak and spell. What they should've called it was Speak... Like the Devil! Remember the voice A-E-I-O-U. What was that? A-B-C-D- *punch, scream* That thing was evil. L-M-N-. That thing would wake me in the middle of the night like 2 in the morning... Play with me! Get up, I wanna spell right now! I'm 8 years old. I spell great. I talk like a freak. I'm like...Mom, something is wrong! Something is W-R-O-N-G, wrong. More to come soon! Life goes on. But I'm gone. Cause I'll die without you. </3
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02-25-2007, 05:14 PM
THE ATHEIST
I was standing in line at the movie theatre one day and some dude comes up to me and just sneezes in my face! like no blockin his face or anything, just coked and sneezed, two things happened, it just scared effin livin outa me, cuz it was very audible very loud. and not only that just the the light was hitting this guys face DEBRIS came out! a wad o stuff just like when you use winde and you put it on mist-mode, as opposed to that other mode, what is that laser mode does anyone even use that? is that in case you wanna mount a sniper scope on your windex? Back to the sneeze... and by this time im mad, and grossed out. nd i first thought o im gonna go off on this guy, but i said hey matt take the high road be polite, and i said this, "god bless you" very sarcastically, almost like saying "cover your effing mouth"... and it gets worse, he goes "uhh yea, im an atheist" what a jerk right? i dont know nor do i care if your an atheist, what am i supposed to say when an atheist sneezes, "when you die nothing happens." he starts making fun of my religion, and he goes "lemme askyou this what do you think happens to you after you die?" and i came back with "well hopefully i live a good life and my soul goes to heaven, and all my relatives wiull be waving to me like its an airport". and hes laughing at me. so I flipped out, "what happens to you after YOU die?" he comes back with "well I will die and become a huge beautiful tree." yea, hes laughing at me, hes gonna come back as a ficus. But lemme say this, I HOPE when he dies he does become a tree. I hope hes enjoying his tree life, then one day a huge sweaty guy with an axe comes in and chops him down SMASH! put a chain around him drag him through the mud and the muck, throw him into a saw mill grind him up! and then ya pound him down into paper! and once hes paper, you print the BIBLE ON HIM!!!!
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02-25-2007, 05:43 PM
Tire Murdered Mary:
Did you see that clip they were like showing the other day on uh ESPN or whatever. They were showing like the best crazy accidents or something. It was like the best of the worst car you know like. They showed this one clip man . If you saw this this was nuts. The two cars go around the corner and they like catch each other they start to roll. The tire flys into the stands, hit's a woman in the face! And when you first saw it you were like OOOOOO! That tire just hit that woman in the in the face! Oh good they're showin' it again Look Look Look Look at this right here. Slow it down..yeah that's when it hits her in the face. And the funny thing is everybody around the lady like dove out of there. Everyone got out of there but she just like sits there like. You see everyone dives and at the last minute as the tire is rocketing at her face. This is her defense. She goes OOOOO! Like she's just gonna get in a slap fight with a Goodyear. Like she's just gonna go PAH and deflect it. Or maybe she just palmed it PAH. There can only be one Highlander! Tires cannot defeat me! What a horrible way to go...What happened to Mary? A tire... hit her in the face. How do you say that without laughing. A tire- I can't even do it now! How did Mary die? A TIRE hit her in the FACE! What was she doing putting her face near tires? No no no no this tire hunted Mary down. This tire murdered Mary. This tire wasn't fucking around as we like to say. This tire was out for vengeance. I don't wanna die with a tire hitting me in the goddamn face Life goes on. But I'm gone. Cause I'll die without you. </3
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02-26-2007, 03:05 AM
it's for both, as long as they're funny, the quotes are looked upon as jokes, lol ^^
There's no such thing as happy endings, for when you find true love, happiness is everlasting.
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02-27-2007, 01:51 PM
Guza u r crazy.
Here is a quote:I had sex with a scarecrow I have some more but can't remember them so i'll tell u them later.  The pic added goes to the ones whose ideas are in a box, to the ones who don't give respect to the one who doesn't fit in that box, stereotying one as I am. You'll soon learn your mistake in not getting the chance, because of Your Error to get to know as others have gotten to know, love, respect, and appreciate me for who I am and not for what you aim to make me. あしゅり のえる
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